New Orleans is a magical city. A large third-world town. A place where time slows down and spirits raised up in more than one way. For whoever stays and is approved by the city, the ebb and flow of the cosmic tide of the universe inevitably pushes them out, if only to pull them back again and continue the cycle.

It’s finally my time to leave albeit temporarily.

I’ve obtained a job as a Field Coordinator with Best Buy, touring with a semi-trailer packed with gadgets and games to festivals around the country. Along the way, I’ll be posting from Minneapolis, Chicago, DC, Atlanta, and NYC using this post as a master. Just link to this entry and you’ll be able to follow me the rest of the way.

Entry List:

Minneapolis: The Secret of Best Buy’s Corporate Headquarters

Click the extended entry for my tentative schedule.

For a little more info: Best Buy Fun Zone Tour via Digital Life
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No matter what you think of Jazzfest and those who inhabit the fairgrounds, you have to admit that the music line-up is amazing.

Check out these Jazzfest music cliff-notes.

From T-P columnist Angus Lind

Shell Oil recently commissioned an independent study to find “Autopias,” evaluating the 50 largest metro areas in the country on the basis of — are you sitting down? — “where cars would most like to live if they had their way.” Basically, if cars could talk, they’d tell us where they want to live.

Well, Phoenix was No. 4, Atlanta No. 3, St. Louis No. 2 and — pop a Valium — New Orleans was numero uno, at the top of the list.

What I’m hearing is: “Hi! I’m a car. I want to spend my life on New Orleans streets.”

Somebody call the Funny Farm.
…
This is another direct quote: “The Shell study showed that some cities clearly have an edge in how vehicle-friendly they are, and New Orleans topped the list, thanks to the time and effort local drivers invest in caring for their vehicles.”

Well, if you live here, it’s not like you have a choice; you have to take care of your car. With so many streets with potholes designated as historic landmarks, potholes that have devoured small children, dogs and bicycles, you visit a front-end alignment mechanic about as often as you pass by your grandma’s house.
…
Have you had the pleasure of attempting to negotiate, in Algiers, a one-block stretch of Woodland Avenue between Tullis and Gen. DeGaulle that looks as though seismic activity has resulted in a jumble of upended tectonic plates?

And then there’s the 6000 block of Gen. Diaz in Lakeview where you can’t go faster than 5 mph unless you want to visit an oral surgeon.

Don’t forget Calhoun Street between Claiborne and Fontainebleau in Uptown New Orleans. It makes some of the roadways in the funkiest towns in interior Mexico look like drag strips.
[Since this is my neighborhood, I'll just add that the same stretch of State Street is even worse.]
…
I repeat: New Orleans’ top ranking in the survey was based in part on its No. 1 ranking in the quality of fuel and motor oil category and the fact that LOCAL RESIDENTS SPEND MORE ON CAR CARE THAN RESIDENTS IN MOST OTHER AREAS.”

A Lunchtime Institution Set to Overstuff Its Last Po’ Boy

–in today’s New York Times

I’ll post the whole article in the “extended entry” section below, since the Times has the annoying habit of expiring articles after two measly weeks…

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I’ve lived in New Orleans for a long time. A couple more years, and I’ll have been here for the better part of my life. But you know what’s funny? You know what I just realized today?

Can you keep a secret?

Okay, come closer.

Closer!

Now, lean down…

I’ve never been to Jazz Fest. Never.

Nor, might I add, do I plan to go in the future. Granted, with a couple of beers in me, I can be persuaded to do almost anything, but Jazz Fest would probably require a six-pack…. Actually, streaking requires a six-pack. Jazz Fest would probably be more like a 12-pack and a bottle of Xanax. The good kind.

I think part of it is that I’m not much of a live music fan. Crappy, lip-synched shows by Peter Murphy and Orbital cured me of my concert jones while I was still in hot pants and eyeliner. Another part of it is the crowd: those who know me and who’ve seen me march shoulder-to-shoulder with the Society of Ste. Anne on Fat Tuesday might find it hard to believe, but I’m vaguely agoraphobic.

Mostly, though, the reason I don’t go is because of the type of people Jazz Fest attracts. Hawaiian shirts. Tie-dyed shorts. Panama Jack straw hats paired with receding hairlines and graying ponytails. You know what I mean. I’m sure they’re nice and all, but I’d rather observe them from a safe distance. By which I mean, on the evening news.

And while I’m on the subject: will someone please explain the Neville Brothers? I am so lost on that one.

This one is for all you NOLA natives.

Did Morgus always have a commercial every five seconds?

I watched Morgus the Magnificent for the first time last night and it seemed that there was more time between segments than actual content.
With the number of times Morgus mentioned as part of the segment that he’d “be right back”, it all seems very intentional.

Is this a terrorist ploy to make one buy the DVD in order to enjoy it? Do I have to constantly be reminded that COX is 25 years old? Is that even an accomplishment?

Jerks.

For people from other places who read this, specifically if you are from the midwest or northeast, I would just like to take this opportunity to rub your noses in our weather forecast. Come August, you may do the same to us. But for now, the “HA-HA!” belongs to New Orleans.

From weather.com:

Right Now for
New Orleans, LA (70112)

Partly Cloudy 80?F
Feels Like 82?F
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That’s right, Shannon’s thriller Rise of the Undead is coming out on video next week. If you like monster movies, why not buy it, rent it or queue it up? Might be a fun way to spend an evening after Jazzfest.

Hearty congratulations to Shannon, who has all the links you need here.

Go on, support local filmmakers!

Must be a new pope. Just a second

About four years ago, I was over at Molly’s on Decatur when some guy handed me an orange business card that read “Dr. Mushroom’s Past, Present, & Future Confidential Investigation Agency