…to go back home and took the first step by getting our shots today. Tetanus/diphtheria, hepatitis and, for the hell of it, a flu shot. A fellow New Orleanian (Westerbanker) was waiting with us and gave us the Tahitian Noni pitch while we waited. She’s all set to become a millionaire when she returns this weekend. You’ve been warned.

Tomorrow will mean a call to my business landlord to find out what’s needed for cleanup at the place in Mid-City.We’re assuming the usual portion of bleach, vinegar and protective clothing, but we’ll be asking specifics. We also loaded up at the liquor store, since we’re not sure what will be available and how far away it might be once we’re back in New Orleans. It’s all about priorities.

The guy on Sirius satellite radio’s blues channel plays a “early Mardi Gras” medley each day at noon central, focusing on Dr. John or Henry Butler or some other local legend. It’s a great channel and the guy has obviously spent some time in New Orleans, but today he happened to mention something about “amazingly we hear they’re still planning a little Mardi Gras despite all the damage” or something like that.

Ya THINK?????

The week after the hurricane hit, I posted in this space about how recovery was going to be all about locals helping each other because our day at the top of the CNN and Gubmint priority list was going to fade and we’d eventually be seen as hopeless moochers who won’t go away from the door. Y’know what? Nearly every New Orleans resident I’ve met — or at least those who are going back or who are already back — have the attitude of ‘fuck the feds — we gotta do it our own damn selves.’ I wonder who all this is gonna manifest itself come election time.

That said — thanks to Sen. Mary Landrieu for fighting the Good Fight. And, to be bipartisan, so have Reps. Bobby “Lemme Run For Anything” Jindal and William “Raid My House” Jefferson. And the Louisiana Dept. of Labor and Dept. of Agriculture have also been helpful and, as much as possible these days, encouraging.

Over New Orleans’ 287-year-long history, its inhabitants have employed a variety of phrases to greet folks on the street. Many have used the old stand-by, “How’d you do?” Others–including our city founders–have asked, “Boujour, ca va?” And of course, in the 9th Ward and beyond, they use “Where y’at?” Well, they used to….

These days, we’re back to “How’d you do?” It’s not quite the same as the original “How’d you do?”, which was always meant as a rhetorical question, with no proper response other than another “How’d you do?” The “How’d you do?” we’re asking today is past tense, and it refers to a specific event: “How did you do?” It’s also earnest. We really want to know how they did. Did their house flood? How much water did they get? Was anything salvageable? Where did you go? Are you coming back?

It’s a sudden, overwhelming, communal compassion that makes us ask, tinged with morbid curiosity. Funny thing is, the folks who’ve lost everything, they don’t mention it much. It’s those of us who did okay that’re the most curious.

Me, I ask because I’m holding out hope that my friends and neighbors across the city fared as well as I did. I know many of them didn’t, I know it’s stupid and naive and maybe even a little hurtful to ask. But if I keep asking, a part of me thinks that maybe people will just shrug and say, “Oh, we came out just fine. I’m headed to the Robert’s. You need anything?”, and life will go back to normal.

I was watching CNN this morning and they were interviewing �Bobby-D� (Robert Davis), the 64 year old, retired school teacher who got the business end of some NOPD officers� failed stress management program. Oddly, no one here seems to have mentioned it. It really is hard to tell much from a couple minutes of video tape, but it certainly doesn�t look like there was much provocation by �Bobby-D�. And the interview this morning presented him in a most flattering light. He seems like a regular guy. And I kept thinking he looks pretty spry for a 64 year old: fit, lucid, etc. But I just don�t see where he could present much of a threat even in a blind rage as long as he�s unarmed. But then, if people are intoxicated or otherwise under the influence, then anyone can be a threat, I suppose. Bobby-D insists he hasn�t had a drink in 25 years and I have to say I believe him. And unless the police can produce a breathalyzer that states otherwise, why shouldn�t I believe him?

The second issue is the officer getting all salty with the A.P. guy, and sort of man-handling him, didn�t improve the NOPD�s image. And I understand these officers have had a rough time of it in the last month and a half or so. And I understand that being a police officer in New Orleans, even under the best circumstances isn�t really pleasant. So I wasn�t surprised that CNN was actually making excuses for the officers, but it did sort of bother me that they did. And here�s why:

Everyone who�s ever lived in New Orleans, or is familiar with the history of the NOPD knows there have always been officers within the department that were simply up to no good. Which is likely true of any city � even small towns. I tried to find out how many NOPD officers were or have been jailed compared to other cities and couldn�t find a number. But I�m sure there are plenty more in any city than the city would like there to be. But just thinking back over the years; just thinking of the stories on the news, there are what seems to be a lot. Hell, the Feds even came in at one point because things were so bad.

Now before everyone starts throwing hate comments at me, please hear me out. Can you hold the entire NOPD responsible for the actions of officers that commit crimes or exhibit poor judgment? No, I don�t think you can. Does it reflect poorly on the entire NOPD? Absolutely it does. Does it reflect poorly on the city and undermine potential visitors� sense of security? Certainly. But those are easy questions. The hard questions come in the form of: If tensions are so high that judgment is impaired, are the police more of a liability that a help? Should certain officers be asked to go on administrative leave and be sent to counseling to help them cope with the situation, even against their will? Which begs the question; is the city doing enough to help ensure the overall health of ALL their people in uniform? And, the one I find most difficult to churn around in my head: Is this a case of a good officer under duress who made a bad decision when confronted with what was perceived to be a volatile situation, or is this just another case of bad cops doing what bad cops always do, only this time we�re making excuses for them?

Luckily, I am not obligated to come to some final decision on the matter. But somebody, somewhere, will be and I do not envy them this task. These are very difficult questions and there may be no way to know the truth. And in this, they are largely academic questions; still, I do think they are worth thinking about. And I hope that the rest of New Orleans does too. The city became, in some respects, what people let it become over some 300 years � the good and the bad. We may need to pay very close attention now to what we decide to let the city become. Justice and equality are composed of the decisions that come out of situations like the one Mr. Davis and the NOPD have brought to our attention. If this is a fresh start for New Orleans as a city, then it is important that the die be cast now, with this situation. It should be cast fairly, justly, and with the best interest of all parties at heart. Anything less is unacceptable.

I�m heading back into New Orleans this weekend. I�ve taken a week off work to get everything straightened out as much as possible and to help others so I�ll be there all week. Most of the people I�ve talked to who aren�t already in town are coming in the following weekend. A few days ago I was really anxious to get back but now I find myself being lazy about it. Thinking about cleaning out the refrigerator and debris � I just don�t want to do it. Then there�s the creeping feeling; not quite guilt but something that insinuates guilt, when I think about how much worse off other parts of town are. Several people have asked me to take pictures of their homes since they have been unable to get back since the storm. I don�t mind doing this at all, but I�m starting to feel a bit of dread about it. It reminds me of when an infant has to get a flu shot or something: They cry and cry and it just breaks your heart, but you know it doesn�t really hurt that much and you know it has to be done. But they just cry and cry and you start to wonder if they know something you don�t about being little and about flu shots.

On some level I am excited to see people I haven�t seen in a while and to get a look at how things have come along since I left a few days after the storm. Having been playing with the idea of just moving to New York, I hope this trip home somewhat resolves the issue for me. I don�t suspect it will. That may be a decision for six months from now � or longer. I imagine things are going to be different in some ways. I try not to think about it in terms of good or bad � just different. It�s the degree of difference to expect that I have trouble imagining. It occurs to me that I�m walking back into what could be an emotional maelstrom; its beginning already. I�ve been hiding behind work and pseudo-normalcy for over a month now and though it�s just a fa�ade, it�s done the trick. Now, I�m about to take the red pill (sorry for the Matrix reference but I�m a geek).

As a backdrop to all this are the earthquake in Pakistan and deadly snow storms in Colorado � I just keep thinking that the earth is trying to kill us all. It always has. And yet, here we are.

Sorry there isn�t much of a point to this post. I had something in mind when I started but it just didn�t make it. My thoughts are scattered, but then, I wonder how many people feel the same way right now.

Sorry, but my direct linking isn’t working. You can look this up on your own….

The Dallas Morning News had a good piece this morning about Cyril Neville and why he’s choosing to stay in Austin instead of going back to New Orleans. Basically, it has to do with his belief the New Orleans he used to know died before the hurricane and he’d been planning to move anyway. You might remember seeing his “Racial Cleansing in New Orleans” T-shirt in one of the post-hurricane concerts.

I won’t pretend to be qualfied to judge/justify/criticize his feelings one way or the other. My feeling is that walking a mile in someone else’s shoes only results in being a mile away with someone else’s shoes on. You have to live their life to really Get It. I’m overtired of armchair judgments in this forum anyway.

But this has me deeply wondering about the long-term changes we’ll find once we return in a week or so. Putting aside the cleanup and the reorganization and all the other immediate hurricane stuff, I think it’s going to be at least five years and likely another decade before so much of this becomes apparent. Is Cyril right? Was The Real New Orleans already gone? Can it come back? What’s the impetus one way or the other?

In one way, it’s a silly question. Everyone is going to find their own “real” New Orleans or any other city. And, to a degree, it’s going to be a moving target anyway. But we loved it as it was when we left. We’ll return to find things changed on a series of levels — and some of those changes are going to be the kinds of things we have no control over.

On the other hand, there is much we CAN control as things are remade. These are the things we’re looking forward to.

It’ll be an interesting ride.

Eleven Things I Can’t Wait To Do When I Get Home
[in no particular order]

• Order my winter beverage of choice–Absolut on the rocks, dirty–without having to explain what “on the rocks” and “dirty” mean.
• Weed my garden, or what’s left of it after six weeks of practically no rain.
• Welcome dozens of friends to my house for what is sure to be the Best Thanksgiving Ever.
• Watch the Krewe du Vieux from my corner, drinking myself silly before, during, and after the parade.
• Dance cheek-to-cheek with my boyfriend every time the band plays “If Ever I Cease to Love” at the Society of St. Anne ball.
• Assemble a cast, write a play, and direct it at One Eyed Jacks.
• Ride a bike absolutely anywhere, terrifying pedestrians along the way.
• Play a couple of games of bumper pool at Mimi’s, then walk over to Big Daddy’s for the real thing.
• Linger over two-hour dinners at Crepe Nanou, Tommy’s, Commander’s Palace, Cafe Degas, and Feelings. One-hour dinners will suffice at Pho Tau Bay and Deanie’s (assuming it’s still standing). I’d like to include Sid-Mar’s on that list, but its future is in question right now.
• Head to La Peniche for a hideously high-cal, high-fat blue cheese burger, only to realize that it’s Wednesday and La Peniche is therefore closed.
• Fall asleep on my own bed, surrounded by dogs, with the boyfriend in the next room, playing the Fiery Furnaces just a little too loudly.

For folks who work from home, or folks like me who are now doing their jobs remotely, internet access is essential. Unfortunately it is hard to come by in Orleans Parish right now. I have seen quite a few people sitting on the curb in front of CC’s on Jefferson and Magazine because their wireless hotspot is functional, though the coffee shop remains closed.

Even many people who still have Cox cable TV have no high speed internet service.

I am in Metairie right now at my boss’s house using the internet.

So please post all wifi hotspots that you know of on the comments section. It would help out a lot of people, myself included.

I keep hearing more and more dissention about the enormous amount of money that�s being ear-marked to rebuild New Orleans. I�ve heard everything from �the city isn�t worth it�, to �it�ll just happen again so why not just drop the money in the river and let it wash out to sea�, to �it�ll just create rich crack heads�, to �all the money will end up in the hands of a few politicians�. Honestly, most of those same possibilities have run through my own mind in the last few weeks in one form or another. The middle class in New Orleans (at least, the Parish itself) has always been small to non-existent. The middle class live in Jefferson Parish and maybe work in Orleans Parish. This lack of a middle class seems to have created a chasm that has the combined effect of letting the rich think they can do whatever they want while making the poor think there�s no way to get out of being poor. Maybe the middle class keeps the wealthy a little more modest and gives the poor hope � like a conscience. Stark contrasts between the rich and poor, historically, are the recipe for Revolution. (Craig Giesecke implied this but I can�t speak to whether that is what he meant. Either way, he may be a sign my logic is correct.)

Something else I was told the other day with regard to the money to rebuild is: �You�d think building a ghetto would be cheaper�, which was sort of an interesting perspective, I suppose. But it does beg the question: If you�re going to spend federal tax money on rebuilding a city, what kind of city should it be when you�re done? I can�t imagine the answer is defined by what New Orleans was before the storm. Indeed, a clue to what some would like to see can be found in this statement from George II to Sugar Ray Nagin: ��a shining example for the whole world�. The ridiculous level of abstraction aside, sounds to me like ol� Georgy-boy wants New Orleans to be Disneyland with a courthouse. They could even go around the city painting things �no-see green� like they do to in Disneyland for things like water meters, utility boxes � anything they don�t want visitors to see. Only difference is, in New Orleans you�d have to paint the poor; and possibly, the ugly. Maybe just turn New Orleans into a rich, white guy, Mardi Gras Playground where people only live there a few months out of the year and the rest of the time the place is deserted. What really bothers me lately is that New Orleans is being seen as a �political opportunity�. It may have been one of the less obvious lessons of 911, but in a disaster of any significance, there is room for political gain.

So, really, I just want things more or less back the way they were. It wasn�t great, and sure it had some problems that needed to be addressed; socially and politically. But there was something special about the place (extra cookie special � not short-bus special) and I�m afraid that something special will be spackled over or otherwise bulldozed and replaced with something described with terms like �planned� and �green space�. I want the New Orleans back that I fell in love with 14 years ago this month at 18 years old all disappointed that Bourbon Street was little more than an alley. I want the New Orleans back that I�ve had impassioned kisses in; that I�ve met some amazing people in; that I learned to puke while walking home from the bar without missing a step in. I want one more time of standing on St. Charles during a parade and thinking in amazement to myself that I live here.

Maybe that New Orleans is already gone; washed away by the storm. If that�s the case then I can live with that � its natural and seems fitting. What I can not tolerate is that New Orleans being brushed aside and discarded by a political agenda. My memories still live there. Some of my hopes and dreams still live there. My shadow still stands on the street at the right time of day with the shadows of so many others. I have no plans to leave New Orleans, but that doesn�t mean I�ll stay. If I can�t find that something special when I get back then I guess I�ll gather my memories and go somewhere else � and my memories can live in the New Orleans that lives in my heart.

…I will post about this issue. It is tiring for me and I know it is more than tiring for any readers.

I was informed this morning that I do not qualify for FEMA help because my house didn’t suffer appreciable damage from Hurricane Katrina. Since my business was inundated in Mid-City, I may qualify for one or more SBA loans. But, being a new business, more debt is the last thing it needs, regardless of how low the interest rate might be. And, though we have a good place to stay until we can go back, I will not be reimbursed for any of the gasoline, food and other expenses we have incurred in nearly six weeks on the road. FEMA says I can submit copies of my hotel bills (totaling $150), but that will be all they will cover.

I called Sen. Mary Landrieu’s office this morning and was told there is little they can do so far to move the FEMA bureaucracy off dead-center. I was additionally told FEMA is moving away from the $2K emergency assistance grants (which we have not seen) into what amount to vouchers to pay for housing assistance, which we do not need. In the words of the sympathetic guy on othe phone, “I wish I could tell you your situation was unique, but I’ve heard it over and over. There are hundreds or thousands in your same situation.”

In other words, lots of us are being penalized for being honest, for being self-employed, for trying to play within the rules and for generally trying to get our lives back in order in as self-sufficient a manner as possible. We’re sorry we’re not dirt poor. We’re sorry we’re not filthy rich. We’re sorry for just trying to keep our heads low and be gracious and patient. We’re sorry we’re not trying to work the system. We don’t know how because we’ve never been here before. Dumb damn us.

Believe me — this is not a plea for sympathy. But it IS a confirmation that we’ve been lied to, manipulated, misled and otherwise bamboozled. This is the type of thing revolutions are made of. And I, for one, will be among the first to scale the wall.

Got a call yesterday from Martha (manager of Igor’s Garlic Clove on St. Charles), saying she’s back in town and her house is okay. She says the Garlic Clove should be open in a month or so, though Igor’s itself is already back to serving drinks. She also notes the Redfish Grill (where her b/f Ray works) is opening back up right away. So there’s more normalcy by the day, despite the huge mess still to clean up.

More progress on the paperwork front too, as FEMA has confirmed consolidation of our duplicate claims in their system. I also found a cooperative soul at the SBA, who advised me on how to get around his agency’s denial of my claim. It’s obvious the SBA’s computers have never gone into business for themselves, so talking to a Real Person will be a huge help.

…and the neighbor who is staying at our house reports having a beer down the street at Parasol’s.

Excellent.