Well, I guess I need to write something. It isn’t like I’ve been trying to write and couldn’t - I really haven’t bothered. I don’t know why. I’ve been back in the city now for the longest stretch since the storm.It feels different here - not better or worse - just different. It’s almost like its lonely here. I dunno. Maybe its just getting me down a little.

The house isn’t helping. I’ve been avoiding moving in for about a week now. Making cheap excuses that even I don’t believe to keep from moving into that gutted-ass-shanty. I own onenongettingyoulaidpieceofproperty which is what I’m going to have carved on a decorative rock which I will then place through one of my windows. As I sit here listening to it rain I find myself wishing I’d gotten at least the felt paper over the plywood roof last weekend. Oh well.

So the cable people are coming out tomorrow morning between 8 and 10. Of course, if they don’t get there by 8:45 there’s a better than likely chance my ass won’t be there. See, the problem is that I have to work so I have money to buy food, a kitchen to cook it in and a toilet to put it in when I’m done with it. Ah, the circle of life….well, more like the circle of food….or something like that, but not the circle of life because the only thing alive in the circle is me….which I’m not sure counts for some reason.

(should delete that last paragraph but I promised myself I wouldn’t delete anything in this post because that’s how I end up not posting anything. So really that last paragraph is a glimpse at how I think - sad hu. Yeah, whatever)

So this shanty of mine is built out of barge board, which is odd since I was told it was built in the 1950’s. I can only assume it was built out of wood from a previous house that I’m quite sure fell the fuck down. I’m from up north so this whole construction process of standing up 14′ long pieces of board side by side to make a square is a little odd to me. First because it’s a hell of a lot of wood for even a modest shanty. But it also doesn’t seem very stable. My original plan was to make the place loft-like but that isn’t going to work. I ran around for weeks asking contractors: “If I take out all of the interior walls of my house, will it fall down”? They all said yes without even coming to look at it. One just threatened me with a claw hammer. It’s like they share a brain.

So I’m going to just leave the walls alone (for now - I’m still hoping to find just one person to tell me it won’t) I’m starting with the bathroom. It doesn’t have a shower, just a bathtub. I’m not a bath kind of guy. Even if it was one of those nice big bathtubs (which it isn’t) I’m still a shower kind of guy. Mostly because baths are unflattering. I mean the whole process from the face you make when you dip that first toe into the water to tea-bagging your hairy ass in is unflattering. Furthermore, the whole sitting there in the water thing: parts of me float, others don’t, some parts seem less impressive in the refracted light of a bath…etc. And I never feel clean after a bath. I feel like the stuff I was trying to get off me just somehow migrated to other areas, cracks, crevasses, and various openings would be prime candidates to hide out in and fester into a staff infection. After all, even people used to take refuge in caves. I suspect some still do and only come out when I’m at the mall. So, in summary, I don’t like to take baths because one of my testicles floats while the other doesn’t and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let bacterium live in my urethra. Also because I like to dance around in the water and act like I’m in a music video for Erasure. Don’t act like you’ve never done that. So my new shower is going to consist of a bucket and a hole in the floor. (this has the added advantage of being easily repaired/replaced when the next storm comes through and fucks everything up.) Once I’m done with that I’ll tell you about the laundry room, in the mean time if anyone happens across a large flat rock suitable to put wheels on, drop me an email.

Anyone else ever spell shit so wrong that even spell check doesn’t have a clue what you were trying to spell or is that just me?

Related posts:

1. Eye of the storm
2. Love letter number 2
3. A house fell on my sister….
4. Better late than never
5. Rub-a-dub