Craziness Du Jour
Most days I wake up and wonder what kinds of zany third world adventures lie ahead for the day, but today I didn’t even get the chance. I was woken up by a shrill dog bark, which was coming from immediately outside my bedroom window. I looked out and saw three wild dogs in the alley, staring up at the tree in front of the window. Then I noted a terrified kitten in the tree. How cute.
Before my groggy ass could make a decision about how to handle the situation, I heard further commotion and looked outside to see the kitten being used as the rope in a game of tug-o-war between the dogs. I guess they somehow coaxed it from the tree. Watching the dogs kill this cat was kind of disheartening, only because in my half-awake state I was expecting something more like a looney tunes cartoon, where the biggest dog would just swallow the cat whole and be done with it. Instead, two of the dogs lost interest and walked away when the cat stopped fighting back, and the third just sat there prodding its motionless little body. I got sick of watching this and scared the third dog away.
Now I’m not the kind of guy who finds tragedy in one less flea-dispensing, disease ridden stray kitten wandering the neighborhood. In fact I’m kind of glad that wild dogs are picking up the SPCA’s slack. I don’t even have a problem picking up the animal’s corpse and bagging it up. The problem is that once it’s bagged up, where do I put it? Because nobody has picked up garbage or debris from my street in THREE MONTHS. I don’t really know if I want an animal carcass sitting around on the street indefinitely. That sounds unsanitary. If I buried it those dogs will probably just dig it up. I was thinking instead maybe I should just drop it off on the steps of City Hall. Anyone else have creative ideas?
Seriously though, what am I supposed to do with this thing? There’s flies all over it already.
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I’d say bury it, and scatter cayenne pepper over the grave if you don’t want the dogs getting into it. And maybe a little holy water if you don’t want any evil undead kitty situation later on.
Take the stinky rotting magtgot infested corpse
and throw it in a body of water with gator, fish and such.
Take it out of the bag before throwing it in the
water sit down and wait for the show.
Laurie
I’d say just leave it where you found it and by the end of the weekend the problem will have taken care of itself. It’s the same approach I take to everything. For example I never wash towels because all I’m using them for is to wipe clean water off my clean body. I never pick up a dropped ice cube because it will simply melt to water and evaporate. I don’t understand why everyone has to involve themselves in everything - some things just take care of themselves.
Voo Doo, predators and biology!
What did we forget?
Laurie
Im a pet guy so I think your heartless ass should sleep with the rotting corpse
well since you’re so compassionate why don’t you come adopt all these stray cats and wild dogs?
step away from the ledge… your not heartless (Or so the Germans would have us believe) and I’d take em if I could.
You won’t still be saying that after you’ve been sleeping
with fleas for months sucked by ticks and have distemper.
Laurie
More important than the kitty-corpse, you need to kick some dog-pack ass. Those dogs are exhibiting very unhealthy predatory pack behavior–humans, particularly smaller ones or anyone that shows fear and runs, will be next. I strongly recommend .22 shorts or subsonics at fairly close range from a rifle, but you need to be a good shot to consistently hit the head or heart for a clean kill. Of course, if you’ve got lots of neighbors or police close by, shooting may be frowned upon. Hotdogs soaked in old fashioned anti-freeze will do the trick (just be sure they go to the ferals, not your neighbor’s prize sheltie or whatever. Bad as stray cats are, they do help with rodents and they rarely, if ever, hunt children in packs. Dispose of all corpses by bagging before rigor mortis sets in and removal to a dumpster. QED.
Let’s not forget that it is illegal to discharge a firearm within city limits unless you’re a drug dealer.
Sling shot or bow and arrow.
Laurie
What ended up happening?
Laurie