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Hello, I am back from Safari in the African plains. What’s going on in our fair city these days? I really wasn’t on Safari, but I was caught up in a game called Titan Quest. Unfortunately, I will never get those precious hours back. But hey, who else here is a 26th level Champion who saved Ancient Greece? THAT”S what I thought. I was in a state of stress and anguish and couldn’t get out of the car at the gas station and my fiancĂ© and I were not talking and I had open bouts of pure weeping and my hands were shaking and I needed a way to get out and…….Nah, I’m just fuckin’ with ya. I was suddenly consumed by the spirit of Chris Rose, or maybe it was the softer side of Sears. I’m not sure. Does this post make me look fat? Anyway, I’ll try to write about something useful, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to go well.

Who are we going to vote for? I have no clue. Yes I do. The House is up for grabs between William Jefferson and Karen Carter. Let’s way out the options. Karen Carter looks like Morgan Freeman in drag, and slick Willie Jefferson had money in his freezer. My vote is for Karen Carter, only because I liked Sesame Street as a kid and he/she was great at sponsoring the letter O. I really liked her portrayal as a Union Sergeant in the movie Glory as well, but I couldn’t buy Matthew Broderick as a captain because I was picturing him with a shampoo Mohawk the whole time. I know the real story behind slick Willies money scam. He was set up. Willie stole Massa Ray’s girlfriend in High School, so the mayor planted the money in his freezer. He covered his tracks by publicly supporting Jefferson in the race. When they pulled the mask off, he was actually Mr. Smothers, the local barber. Think about it. It could be true. We could all be part of a Scooby-Doo mystery alternate universe. Anything can happen.

I saw a commercial to vote NO to Amendment 7. Near the end of the commercial you realize fat bastard is not a concerned citizen, he is a concerned assessor about to lose his cushy money grubbing useless job. Fuck you fat bastard. Your job needs to go to save money for the city. The few must sacrifice for the whole. This is simple Jedi shit, man. Get with the program. If it makes you feel better, we’ll throw in a 1988 Ford Taurus as severance pay. Or, you may prefer a gift certificate to Subway or Steak and Ale.

Harry Lee made some waves recently. Not really, he’s been saying the same thing for 25 years now. He said he would strong arm any black guys hanging around crime areas late at night. I wouldn’t fuck around with the Emperor, he gets what he wants. I heard he built an army of terra cotta officers to guard the gates into Jefferson Parish. He is using the LRA money from the state to build the Great Wall of N. Arnoult, to keep everything in check. Gate posts will be built at the Daiquiris and Creams as well as a catapult turret at the Outback on Severn. Good luck and good fortune to you Emperor Lee. I thought it would be racist of me to add “Chinga ninga ninga ninga ning nong ning”. Place loud GONG noise here.

I was watching some crazy ass show on channel 10 the other night. I think it was Timecode New Orleans or something like that. The show is an outlet for local independent film makers. It’s nice to see the storm didn’t flush away the dirty hippies who have enough free time on their hands to make short films about nothing. Kudos to all fine arts majors around town. Your father’s money was well spent. I’m sure he has a different opinion on the matter.

What do you call a fine arts graduate in New Orleans? ……………….Oh Waitress? Old joke, but it still holds true.

The Saints are rolling very well. Since I was a child, I’ve watched those bums give up and die. Now they really look like a professional organization. Reggie, you need to hit the holes at the right time. You aren’t playing against weak ass Pac-10 players any more. Don’t let it bother you though, I bet you still get all the bitches. Our father whom art in heaven, thy name is Drew Brees. Let us bow our heads in thanks and praise. It’s funny that the Rookie of the Year might be our very own Marques Colston, not Reggie Bush. You look like a seasoned veteran you magnificent bastard. Run, run like the wind. The Deuce is loose! The Deuce is loose! I can now wear my Russel Erxleben jersey with pride. It’s been in the cedar chest for years. I know that most of the posters in these blogs don’t talk about sports much, but this is for the guys who think the Hunchback of Notre Dame is the fat friend in the movie Rudy.

I told you this would be stupid, but you read it anyway. Oh, the renaissance fest is coming up for the next few weekends in Hammond. Some dude dropped off pamphlets at the restaurant. Every body needs a hobby I guess. These are the same people who watch the Sci-Fi channel and have the platinum edition of Dune and The Planet of the Apes on DVD. Here’s the number for more info if anybody wants to go hear some fine lute music or perhaps make a necklace out of daisies. (985) 429-9992. I might go just to have something to write about next week. Perhaps I will be asked to be their leader. I’ll tell them what a booby feels like and become the King.

My ass is starting to fall asleep. I am having flashbacks of the palace theatre during a Peter Jackson movie. Oh the horror. Feel free to leave any donations at the foot of the Claiborne overpass, or my Foyer as I like to call it. Peace out suckas, and may children destroy your front yards with a wet banana slide.

The End

6 Comments so far

  1. Laurie (unregistered) on November 6th, 2006 @ 5:25 pm

    O yeah! Well I was play’n hide-n-seek with elephants last naight!!

    So how much do you think you’re worth if I decide to sell ‘ya?


  2. Paul p (unregistered) on November 6th, 2006 @ 7:09 pm

    Slavery is wrong. That is my liberal hippy statement of the day. I feel strongly about this one.

  3. Laurie (unregistered) on November 8th, 2006 @ 3:48 am

    If you’ve not played marbles with bunny rabbit turds you’re not livin’.


  4. Robert (unregistered) on November 9th, 2006 @ 2:27 pm

    I was totally mislead by your post title man. Now I’m going to have to spend the next three hours using Google to fulfill my terrible lust.

    I hope you feel bad, or at least maybe pull a hamstring or something.

  5. termite (unregistered) on November 9th, 2006 @ 2:34 pm

    robert, thanks for making me spit all over my screen!. — that was funny.. (sorry paul) ;D

  6. Paul p (unregistered) on November 9th, 2006 @ 5:22 pm

    I hope you think that hamstring joke was funny. I was born with no bones in my legs. Apparently it was caused by my episode of chicken pox while still in the womb.I have what is known medically as Cruris Gelatinum or “Jelly Legs”.In high school, they called me Octopaul.

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