The trash man cometh
I decided to go online this morning to sign up for this newfangled and somewhat silly trash pickup plan that’s supposed to bring us a Brave New World after the first of the year. Just to make us feel comfortable with the site, there is a major misspelling (”asterick”) on the signup page. Someone needs to ax them about this.
Anyway, I forsee major problems with this idea in much of the city (aside from the usual graft and other problems typical of city contracts). I’ve lived in cities with this kind of trash pickup and, as long as you’re in a neighborhood with large lawns, wide streets and space between houses (Lakeview, parts of Gentilly, Esplanade Ridge, etc), it works really well. But, unfortunately, this is not the case is so much of the city.
Here in the Irish Channel and much of Uptown, those of us who use these new 96-gallon trash containers are going to 1) find them frequently stolen or, um, misplaced, 2) knocked over in the middle of the street, blocking traffic worse than a Texas-plated debris wagon, and 3) on trash day, see traffic slowed to a crawl even worse than now by a trash truck and crew trundling slowly from block to block like a common garden slug on the kitchen floor.
The idea is for the homeowner to wheel the trash can to the curb, where the automatic arm on the truck will hoist and empty. Sounds slick, don’t it? But what’s already on the curb? A car. So the homeowner or the trash crew has to move the can INTO THE STREET (see #2 above), which is barely wide enough for the trash truck anyway.
And what about signup? How many folks are actually going to sign up online for this? A lot of us can and have, but so many more don’t have a computer and won’t show up in person at City Hall. There’s no phone signup as yet, so what happens when this all begins? Do the old trash cans simply get left on the curb to rot until their owner signs up?
Ah, progress.
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Hey, thanks for the reminder! I just went and signed up for my “free” 33 million dollar trash can too. I’d hate for the thugs in my neighborhood to have to wait to steal mine. I should just go ahead and buy about 20 replacement cans so the neighbors won’t have to wait turns to steal my can(s). Oh, sorry, I mean “cart” but I like the word cans a lot more - not sure why.
Anyway, fair word of warning to all the bastards out there: The cart is big enough to stuff you’re ass in when I catch you trying to steal it…oh how I love irony.
I understand the carts/cans will be replaced fo’ free if they’re stolen. What? I wanna see the expenditure for “stolen cart replacement” after one year.
Now that the supermarkets have figured out how to keep their shopping carts from being stolen, these trash bins are really going to be useful for transporting things around. shit, they might even be big enough to sleep in.
I advise to paint your address in bright red spray paint on it, and keep chained up when not in use.
It won’t matter if they are stolen. For that 33 million, the trash cans will have a “barcode” that will enable “gps” to track down any mis-placed can.
And no, I’m not kidding
From what I can tell, these are the kinds of cans that are used in Europe. They have the density/parking issues and seem to handle it. I’ll reserve judgement until the system starts working.
Really — I understand the design and the intent and it really is a step forward, if it works. But, as we’ve seen too much of lately, 21st-century thinking and design can be seriously gummed-up when faced with some 19th-century attitudes. I will hope for the best.
I just never saw a problem with the current system. But then again I’m not a garbageman.. maybe the system can and does need to be streamlined. So far I am opposed to the supposed advances Nagin has brought to the city, namely the new parking meters and the crappy cityofno website.