New Orleans year end report

I went on my bi-monthly drive through most parts of the city yesterday to check up on my personal progress report for the year. I was also possibly house hunting for an upcoming move back into the “shit” as we like to call it. Here are some of my observances throughout my neighborhood by neighborhood statistical fact sheet. Feel free to add anything I may have missed.

We begin in Uptown of course. Everything seems to be going well here. The light was out on State St. but everything else seemed pretty okay. I didn’t see too much garbage or anything around there, but I did see a tard in a hoody jogging down the St Charles line.

Next, I went down Magazine and into the depths of the Irish Channel. Nothing has really changed here except for the fact that it may soon be called the Mexican Channel. People are still trying to sell there 1100 sq ft renovated double shotguns for $425,000, but they fail to realize that a diamond stuck in a turd isn’t a diamond, it’s last nights chili and crackers and it all gets flushed the same. If your neighbor has a van on cinder blocks parked next to your house, it is not worth $425,000. By the way, your house was never worth that much even before the storm. Good luck trying to sell. People with that kind of money are not going to invest half a million dollars into a duck pond with no economy.

On we go to the Tchoupitoulas corridor/ Warehouse District. I see the St Thomas area was bought up by the Walt Disney Studios and has finally turned into the neighborhood from Poltergeist. The only difference is the fake New Orleans architecture. The neighborhood is clean and it does look pretty okay. It just has a weird vibe that makes you think you’re in Slidell or something. Beware the KB Homes, beware the KB homes. They are coming to a neighborhood near you.

On to Mid-City. It is as if the primordial soup has churned and Mid-City is beginning to reach the Triassic period of its rebirth. There are tons of houses being rebuilt and even more are being lived in. The commercial end of it is still pretty low, but Canal St and Carrolton and Orleans are starting to pick up pretty well. Its nice to see people coming back to Mid-City. It’s a blue collar neighborhood that needed to get back up on its feet. It seems to be well on its way except for a few areas like Tulane Ave and Some parts of Jeff Davis, otherwise, A+ for effort. I’ll see you at Endymion next year when it goes back to Orleans Ave.

Lakeview, what can I say? What can you say? Where the hell is everybody? Commercially you do not exist. I saw the bank and a few places on Harrison were back and the Rockery Ace on Canal was open too. That’s it? Well, maybe a few more places were open but they were few and far between. We went to look at a house near I-10 on the Lake side. The realtor said it was in fair condition and needed a “little” work. Upon entering, my foot almost went through the sub-floor. The entire house had been gutted by what could only be volunteer groups who tore the place to shreds. Are you ready for this? The lady was asking $229,000 for this tear down hunk of shit. I asked her if that was pesos. She didn’t think it was funny. The lot was big, but she said the house was worth $750,000 before the storm. Who gives a fuck what it WAS worth? There ain’t no fuckin way that house was worth ¾ of a million before Katrina. This bitch was crazy. But I guess I can’t blame her for trying to salvage what she could from losing everything. I do understand to an extent, but at some point you either have to take the money and run, or move back in to it. The house was paid for, she owed nothing on it. Why not sell it for a price that will get you some money instead of sitting on it until it is completely worthless? Trust me, at some point in the near future, it will be worthless if nothing is rebuilt on it and the condemned house is not torn down. Empty lots are a dime a dozen in Lakeview right now.

I am starting to realize in my own personal opinion that I cannot with sane mind invest any money into a home in this city. If you want to rebuild, great. If you want to be in the renaissance, fantastic. More power to you. I have worked too hard for what little shit I have right now. I can’t see putting it into a house that will inevitably be mega douched by some catastrophe in the near or distant future. Has anyone seen how high the Lake and Bayou St John have been lately? Too fucking high for my taste. I need to sit down and figure this out. I got a year left on the lease of my restaurant, and after that, who the hell knows. Maybe I’ll move to Mexico to balance out the immigration problem. Maybe I’ll move to Austin and become a hipster hippy fuck turd. But I mean that in a good way, Zack. Maybe I’ll move to Colorado and try to bring the art of Beignets to the frigid Rocky Mountains. Maybe I’ll just stay here and cross my fingers that my future children will have a place to live and not get shot while going to school and don’t grow up to speak like they hang out with fitty cent. I can’t write anymore for now. Buh Bye.

The end.

15 Comments so far

  1. kapaali (unregistered) on January 2nd, 2007 @ 11:07 pm

    again, i think we should marry. you’re just the kind of cold, heartless bastard i’ve been looking for all this time. >:)

  2. MindyMoo (unregistered) on January 3rd, 2007 @ 10:17 am

    Another great post, Paul. I noticed you didn’t drive out to St. Bernard, where I have been sitting on my former residence, a gutted 3 bedroom house, since Katrina. The asking price? A cool $25,000. I’m trying to entice the buyers who balk at Lakeview prices…

  3. Ann (unregistered) on January 3rd, 2007 @ 12:12 pm

    It seems most lots in Lakeview are priced like that – I was scanning the real estate ads and was shocked at the prices. My cousin has two down there – I’m not sure what he gonna’ do. Maybe he might have something to offer you. :-)

  4. Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little (unregistered) on January 3rd, 2007 @ 10:50 pm

    Speaking of Lakeview (and surrounding) not existing commercially anymore, I’m still surprised that I actually headed down to Robert E. Lee and West End (or between West End and Canal, anyway) expecting to pick up some groceries. Surely I could not have seriously thought the store would still be there?

  5. silver (unregistered) on January 4th, 2007 @ 1:46 pm

    Was in n.o. in Sept. to look for investment land. You folks need to get a grip on your problems. N.O. is never going to be the same in your life time. Looked at one investment. The price that they gave me was for 2 lots. I would not have gave them that for the hole block.

  6. Paulp (unregistered) on January 4th, 2007 @ 8:50 pm

    I think St Bernard is out of the question. I’m trying to get away from the water. Although I could buy 10 lots and be the king of Chalmette. Okay, maybe a duke. Silver, I completely agree with you.

    As much as it hurts us to think this way, we invested all of this time and money into a place everyone told us was completely fucked. We decided to turn the other cheek and hope for the best.

    I can’t understand how anyone could invest in property outside of the “sliver by the river”. Even the river area is not realy safe.

    Come back in about 6 months when reality starts to set in on everybody trying to make a last ditch effort to sell their worthless property. You better hurry though, the corporate land developers are circling above our heads already.

  7. Please (unregistered) on January 4th, 2007 @ 10:39 pm

    Why don’t you just leave, then?

  8. termite (unregistered) on January 5th, 2007 @ 7:54 am

    eh, i am in agreement here. this shit is getting old. i have said it once before, i will say it again…if you are so damn unhappy here, and there is nothing but darkness ahead for you..may i suggest that you folks just please leave.


  9. Ann (unregistered) on January 5th, 2007 @ 11:34 am

    I’d venture to say that many potential developers are from the area. I konw several people who are from the area who lost all but their lives who are considering investing in lots and rebuilding not just their houses, but others to sell/rent. I thought rebuilding housing stock to get people back was what everyonne wanted to happen? I despise cookie cutter subdivisions, but I don’t necessarily think that developers are all bad. Who do you think built homes and business outside the sliver by the river in the first place? Land Developer Beta version, that’s who. :-)

    New Orleans has experienced disaster before- yellow fever was a bitch. But she came back – not EXACTLY the same, but nothing is perpetually stagnant. Not even New Orleans.

  10. Paul p (unregistered) on January 5th, 2007 @ 1:52 pm

    I can’t leave, I have contracts and leases to hold up. Look, I would love to have a happy home and everything back to normal living in a double shotgun on Annunciation St. It aint gone to happen.

    I can’t wait four more years for lame duck chrome dome to get out of office. I’m not going to invest in the Irish Channel and have to look over my shoulder and put iron bars on the doors and windows. I would very much like to live the life my family has had for the past 200 years. It aint gone to happen.

  11. Craig (unregistered) on January 5th, 2007 @ 3:57 pm

    As a resident of the Irish Channel, I’ll support the idea that it’s indeed a very mixed bag. It’s literally a block-by-block deal. Parasol’s (a block from our house) has been robbed twice in less than a year. There is active drug-dealing at the little park down the street (between Annunciation and Chippewa). But in our little block, we’re a tight group and we seriously watch out for one another. We feel as safe as anyone can in a major city. I think the key is to spend lots of time outside and maintain a regular presence.

  12. Elle (unregistered) on January 6th, 2007 @ 10:51 am

    Yes, bring the Beignets to Colorado. There are a lot of displaced Southerns here who pay premium prices for comfort foods from home. Then you can support NO with your tourist dollars.

  13. Steve (unregistered) on January 7th, 2007 @ 12:20 pm

    Boy oh boy….
    This ‘Metro-Blogg’ sure has changed..
    Now, it’s a chance for all New Orleans blogger’s to do nothing but bitch..
    And, let’s see who can bitch the most. I find myself reading this blogg less and less, foolish me for thinking I could learn something.

    Sure was fun at one time.

  14. Paulp (unregistered) on January 7th, 2007 @ 4:33 pm

    If you seek knowledge then you have come to the right place. Everything you read here is the truth. What is there not to understand? If you want to know which gallery is opening next week , buy a Gambit or Lagniappe. We can tell you the truth here uncensored. This allows us to write things like turd and shitcracker sandwich without repurcussions from a boss man.;)

  15. Tracie (unregistered) on January 8th, 2007 @ 12:37 am

    Lets talk about real estate…what concerns do you have in our market? What information are you looking for? It is uncertain times, and we are all here together.

    email if you have questions…I’m wanting to help.

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