It’s been a week since the T-P published this article about a major developer coming along and wanting to turn 20 some acres of Mid-City into a “retail district”, i.e. giant strip mall. The site is 5 blocks from my house, and like most of my neighbors, I’m opposed to anything resembling Veterans Highway in my neighborhood. Most of the people in my neighborhood also feel that a compromise should be reached allowing at least some retail chains into this corridor, which is currently filled with dilapidated warehouses, vacant lots, and an ex-hospital. I have mixed feelings on this. Yes, I suppose convenient shopping is better than blighted eyesores, and the argument that it creates jobs and funnels more sales tax $$$ into Orleans Parish is hard to argue. But my question is, Will It Suck? Unfortunately I don’t see how the answer could be anything besides “Yes It Will.”

Ever since Katrina, I’ve been trying to be a good citizen and do as much shopping as I can in Orleans Parish. But I’m really getting fed up with this, because all too often it’s a self-defeating exercise. At least it is when I go to the chain stores, which is exactly what they want to build. Specifically I’m talking about Sav-A-Center (Mid City and Uptown), Winn Dixie Uptown, Lowes on Elysian Fields, A&P, Harry’s Ace on Magazine, and Wal-Mart on Tchoupitoulas. These places SUCK, and they all have vastly superior counterparts in Jefferson Parish, which also has a much broader selection of shopping. So why should I even bother shopping in the city.

Define “suck,” you say. Well, specifically I’m talking about shitty customer service, long lines, shelves not stocked with what I want, shelves being stocked while I’m trying to shop, shopping carts in the parking spaces I’m trying to park in, people trying to hustle me in the parking lot, the list goes on. The customer service and long lines are by far and away the worst problem. I don’t know if it’s poor management, low pay, or shitty employees that create this problem. Probably a combination of the three. But if you want me to shop in Orleans Parish, give me an attractive place to shop in that doesn’t make me want to stab. I challenge the developers in Mid-City to do this, and if there’s any question about whether it can’t be done, don’t even try. Because if it can’t be done, I’m going to keep shopping in Metairie and so will everyone else, and those stores are just going to turn back into blighted eyesores.

I don’t mean to bash the Times-Pic. Really, I don’t. But when they lob an easy one in the air, somebody oughta take a swing.

Case in point: on the front page of today’s Picayune there’s a story about a report issued Friday morning by the UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. This is major stuff, people. You know how David Rakoff’s essays can make you laugh out loud? Well, this is the opposite of that. This is holy-crap stuff–holy-crap stuff, I might add, of significant importance to New Orleanians.

Now flip over a few pages for the editorials. There are three: one on judge Martha Sassone (okay, sure, that’s local); one on NASA’s Inspector General (okay, maybe, since there is a NASA facility in the area, although the editorial has nothing to do with that); and finally, this:

The White House’s annual State Egg Display ought to be above controversy: The Easter tradition, sponsored by the American Egg Board, is an occasion for state pride as well as product promotion.

But this year, a scandal has hatched. Each egg is supposed to be decorated by an artist from the state it represents. The Wyoming egg, however, turns out to be the work of a college student from Illinois.

The blow to state pride is bad enough, but the egg in question does nothing to further the cause of egg artistry. It features a clumsily rendered egg on skis. Maybe that’s because the creator wasn’t chosen for artistic ability but for family connections. His mother works for the American Egg Board.

– Times-Picayune

I’m sorry, what was that? An egg-decorating contest? With a teeny-tiny scandal attached to it? In WYOMING?

Why would anyone at the Picayune write/care about that crap? And perhaps more importantly, what kind of obscure, offbeat, ovo-centric news feeds do the editors subscribe to that would alert them to such a story? I mean, it’s not even a story in the first place. That shit doesn’t rate a press release, and it certainly doesn’t deserve to be picked up, even on the slowest news day.

My theory is that the Picayune is secretly run by a cabal of egg industry lobbyists. That, or they’re all just a bunch of fucktards.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going — on a road trip.

This is what TBK and I did last week with our unexpected time off — and I gotta say it was wonderful. We couldn’t wait to get out of New Orleans and, after about three days, couldn’t wait to get back. Puuuuuhfect — since going to a couple of other historic, tourist-dependent cities (St. Augustine and Savannah) gave us a new appreciation for How Things Work here — even if they don’t always work.

Now — don’t think this is going to be a missive about how these other cities suck. Because they definitely don’t. And we’ll be going back to both of them (and you should too). But it was interesting to see how they manage the balance of tourism, local activity and so forth — and to see how New Orleans compares. These are observations, not criticisms.
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Well if we didn’t know who Cynthia Hedge-Morrell was before Wednesday, we certainly have a better idea now.

We know:

She is New Orleans own version of Speed Racer.

She is an arrogant CITY councilwoman who thinks she is so much better than us low-life citizens that actually have to follow the rules of the road.

She is a perfect example of everything wrong with the leadership of this city, both pre and post Katrina.

She failed geography class, not knowing that Causeway Blvd is still located in Jefferson Parish, not Orleans.

She’s a very good namedropper. Sheriff Harry Lee and the head of the state police huh? Man she’s important. I guess Cleo Fields was out of the area.

She’s actually a very good driver. According to reports, she was zigging and zagging like a boil weevil on hot ass concrete.

She does not curse. Unless under questioning by a Louisiana State Trooper after being stopped for driving 100 MPH through traffic on the interstate.

She can apologize as well as Ray Nagin. Yes, that was really heartfelt Cynthia.

With folks like Cynthia Hedge-Morrell having a hand in our recovery, we are on the FAST TRACK to success.

If you’ve listened to WIST Radio in the last couple of days, you know the story about Dr. Ed Blakely and his interview in Australia. If not here’s the text of the part of the interview that has raised eyebrows from D.C. to NOLA.

MARK COLVIN: There are still tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of New Orleans people who really haven’t come back to the city after the floods. Are they going to come back?

ED BLAKELY: Well, I don’t know if that’s the case. New Orleans had slightly under 400,000 people. It now has 230,000 and 250,000 people. That 400,000 person number I think was one that was kept on the books in order for New Orleans to get certain benefits.

I think the actual number is closer to 300,000 and some thousand, maybe 325,000 and we’re at 230,000 now. So, we’re about 100,000 people off the day of the flood.

Complete interview and Audio

What does this really mean? Well it has so many levels to it I’m almost at a loss for words.
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What’s with the weather? One day I am burning alive in my car (the a/c is broken) and the next day it’s too cold to open the windows in my apartment. I guess I shouldn’t complain and I know I am a girl who is built for the milder climates but damn make up your mind already.
Looks like it’s going to be a cool Easter too.
That will be good for the Easter parades, don’t forget to check them out. You can catch the true paradox that is New Orleans in one day by going out early for the Historic French Quarter Parade it starts at 10:30 am at Arnaud’s Restaurant then stick around for the Chris Owens Parade at 1:00 pm followed by the newest addition to the Easter parades, the Gay Easter Parade at 4:30 pm.
I caught them all last year which was quite the Easter sight a little bit of culture shock wrapped up into one lovely religious holiday. Start the day with delightful southern ladies in their Easter bonnets daintily handing out stuffed animals to the children and wind up with a wild Chris Owens waving dildos at the crowds.

I have one question, Where Else?

For the life of me I can’t figure out why I still read the news when this is all I get out of it

Am I missing something here? Am I just out of my fucking head? I’m really starting to wonder. Jesse and Ray teaming up to fight against the man. I mean, am I witnessing a civil rights movement against an imagined enemy or are they right in thinking that there’s a conspiracy to keep blacks out of New Orleans? I agree completely that the recovery is moving pretty slow – everyone knows that. But how can Nagin stand up there and say it’s the fed’s fault when “Last month, New Orleans city officials unveiled its first decisive plan” and the UNOP has yet to be approved? Oh well. I guess the plan is to hold a march to draw attention to the lower 9th ward and the fact that people aren’t back yet – I’m cool with that. But the logical extrapolation that the lower 9th ward is iconic for the government’s neglect of urban areas like the south side of Chicago….I don’t know that I’m going to buy into that. Seems like kind of a stretch.
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In reference to the 7 homicides since last Friday in this city (see this TImes-Pic article):

New Orleans Police Superintendent Warren Riley said the shootings did not appear connected, yet each appeared “clearly retaliatory.”
“Every victim was shot in the head from point-blank range,” he said. “It shows that these people know each other. It means the shooter was either an acquaintance or a friend.”

I don’t know if he meant to use the word friend when referring to the relationship between someone who shoots another in the head. I don’t really want to pick on the guy because he has a tough job. But sometimes he makes it so easy.

“I could while away the hours
Conferrin’ with the flowers”

Art in Bloom was this last weekend. I guess posting about it ahead of time would have been more productive, but then again, the Tennessee Williams Festival was this weekend as well and no one posted shit about that. And I would have actually gone to that had I remembered and wasn’t so busy. But I didn’t go to that or Art in Bloom in spite of my love for the museum and my indifference toward flowers. I did, however, help a friend build the exhibit for Leontine Linens last weekend. Actually my buddy tenant 2.0 helped out as well – guess he felt some stock in the place having rebuilt and improved their website a few months ago. I know it’s just a small display thingy, but it looks kinda nice and it was great to work with friends on something.
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1. So Google Maps is outdated, huh? It’s showing pre-storm images? Wow. That’s some serious investigative reporting, Times-Pic. I mean, it’s not like anyone at the New Orleans Metroblog clocked that shit, like, a year ago or anything.

2. Here’s an interesting idea from our flood-focused friends in the land of mayonnaise and french fries:

MAASBOMMEL, the Netherlands, March 29 — Anne van der Molen lives on the edge of the River Maas, by definition an insecure spot in a country constantly trying to keep water at bay. But she is ready for the next flood.

Excited, even. “We haven’t floated,” she said of her house, “but we’re looking forward to floating.”

Her two-bedroom, two-story house, which cost about $420,000, is not a houseboat, and not a floating house of the sort common across the world. It is amphibious: resting on land but built to rise with the water level. It sits on a hollow concrete foundation and is attached to six iron posts sunk into the lake bottom. Should the river swell, as it often does in the rain, the house will float up as much as 18 feet, held in place by two horizontal mooring posts that connect it to the neighboring house, and then float back down as the water subsides….

–New York Times

Of course, given the limited abilities of New Orleans’ contractors, we’d probably be better off just using water wings and twist-ties, but it’s a nice idea.

UPDATE: Apparently, someone’s listening.