Okay okay. All kidding aside for a second. I previously wrote about how the 9 was a shithole. Besides the fact that it really is a shithole, I would like to go into a broader spectrum of blight in New Orleans. Like I mentioned before, I drive around the city all day for my job. I see progress, and I see stagnation. What I do not understand is why there is so much crappy shanty town property down here just rotting away. I understand the big K thing, but what about the thousands of houses and buildings just sitting there half burned, half crushed, and completely nasty to the eye. I would be fucking way pissed if I was fixing up a house and the old transmission shop across the street and the other 10 houses on the block were shithole abandoned shacks. I’m not talking about K devastation, you know what I’m talking about.

Who the fuck owns these places and why are they not being held accountable for their upkeep. Yes, we have thousands of historic properties here but lets face it, many of these properties were built from the 40’s to 70’s and they look like total garbabge. In other big cities across the country there are ordinances about these things. You cant have a barber shop with a chain linked yard next to it holding the remains of seven Buicks and a bathtub. They simply don’t let this happen. Why do we? Tulane ave is a major example of what I’m talking about. Holy shit cakes noone takes are of their shit, man. Dixie brewery and that whole area around the courthouse and down towards Jeff Davis are all examples of “Who the fuck does this belong to?” Get off your ass and sell it or crush it. Do Something. Fuck. I’m done.

Hail Ming!

Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes, I love trash

I’ve a clock that won’t work
And an old telephone
A broken umbrella, a rusty trombone
And I am delighted to call them my own!
I love them because they’re trash
– Oscar the Grouch

22 Comments so far

  1. Lord David (unregistered) on February 15th, 2008 @ 9:12 am

    I went back and read some of your other posts. And your "bio". Hmmmm….

    I might point out that Anger is, indeed, a powerful energy, but only when it’s directed at some cause. Hating an entire section of a city & bitching about a bunch of others isn’t really very clever, now is it? Cleverness would be finding out your City Council Person’s name, or the names of the Council members for the sections your crying about, and posting them.

    The thing I can’t figure out is this: If New Orleans is such a horrible shit hole, why don’t you leave? Instead of wondering why there aren’t ordinances to make people clean their yards (seriously, have you not read about the Demolition Shennanigans at City Hall?), you could be living in say, Branford, Missouri, where there’s identicle clean sheetrock & fiberglass shower enclosures in every cubicle. No nasty poboy shops you don’t like, either. Bennigans is just around the corner!

    And when you feel the need to be The Big Voice, why you can quote cartoon trivia all the live-long day. Everybody there will get it. Watching TV will probably be the only interesting thing to do.

    PS Finding solutions and sharing that information is also an ‘energy’. Maybe not as inflamitory, but then, you’re not that entertaining, anyway.


  2. Lou (unregistered) on February 15th, 2008 @ 11:39 am

    Thank you LORD!


  3. paulp (unregistered) on February 15th, 2008 @ 6:16 pm

    I’m not leaving. Your not the first to tell me to do so. I didnt say the whole city was a shithole, just the 9th ward. I didnt say I was clever either. I like to make people laugh. If I think something is funny I will write about it even at the expense of the 3 people living in the lower 9 right now. Many in my family have had their houses destroyed as well, and they make jokes about their own misfortunes. Its a release dude, relax.

    Yes, I know all about the demolition shit at City Hall. I was venting. If my brain spasms offend you, don’t read them. So you don’t watch T.V.?You’re one of those people? I write this stuff because I think its funny. If you take it seriously, then so be it. As far as solutions go, here are a few of my ideas.

    Demolish the lower 9
    Blow a hole in the levee south of Port Sulphur
    Let anyone with a $5 bill buy an abandoned house
    Fine of $50 to anyone who actually says "laissez le bon temps roulez"
    And finally : Love Jesus, because he will save us all


  4. Lord David (unregistered) on February 15th, 2008 @ 8:13 pm

    Well, thanks for clearing that up!

    BTW, I never suggested you leave town. I asked why you stayed in a place that seemed to make you unhappy. And of course I watch TV. That’s how I was able to previously reference the Anthony Bourdain segment. I don’t know what "one of those people" means, except prejudicial judgement…

    I promise not to read your blogs anymore, I swear. And I’m not offended at all, really. I hear this same griping all the time. Usually right before they ask me for change.
    I’m glad you’re compfortable venting in a public forum. Good work. Although, don’t kid yourself, it’s only funny to you. Like swinging a ‘vented in’ diaper around.

    I’m curious about this, however:
    Who do you know that let you blog here? I was told this was a credible site, with something to say, but so far, one angry guy who drives around bitching and vents on line. About which poboy place you like and theme songs from sit-coms. How did I ever get by? Your family must be so proud..


  5. rickngentilly (unregistered) on February 16th, 2008 @ 12:12 am

    thanks for clearing up the whole ming thing.

    all hail brah :-)’


  6. Lou (unregistered) on February 16th, 2008 @ 2:33 am

    Damn Paul your earlier posts were amusing. Now your snarky critical screed sounds as if written by one of the transplant bloggers.
    I’ve lived in many areas of the city, including the ninth ward and felt the entire city was a shithole during certain circumstances. The LORD speaketh the truth; live somewhere else for awhile and shithole starts tasting like chicken.


  7. paulp (unregistered) on February 16th, 2008 @ 6:18 am

    Lord , I read some of your stuff, your a pretty funny guy. We should go to Molly’s and get blasted one night. I’ll buy the first 2 rounds because that is how I roll.


  8. daneeta (unregistered) on February 16th, 2008 @ 11:04 am

    Daneeta here from London Metblog. I’m a native of NOLA, and, I agree, some places in the city are crap. My sister lives in the lower 9th, and she doesn’t even have land line service. Some pictures, please, of what you are talking about. Before the hurricane, the houses were run down and sometimes painted pink. But I quite like the constant state of decay that is New Orleans. It gives it a European feel. My fear is that they will rip down everything, and New Orleans will complete it’s Americanization. That would be a shame.

    Coming home soon.


  9. JAUG (unregistered) on February 16th, 2008 @ 11:19 am

    A lot of older cities have turned into wastelands. Poor Detroit. Urban decay is everywhere, ours just got washed out to the lake. Or is slowly being dismantled by cat’s claw.


  10. Puddinhead (unregistered) on February 18th, 2008 @ 9:45 am

    As soon as you DO think of something that is "funny", please feel free to post it.


  11. paulp (unregistered) on February 18th, 2008 @ 6:31 pm

    I have truly been "served".


  12. termite. (unregistered) on February 18th, 2008 @ 7:15 pm

    come on paul…there’s some good stuff going on out here in the city.
    just now on WWLTV they announced that a man by the name of Ted LeClercq (shameless plug my friend)has donated 76 live oak trees! these beauties will be planted along St. Charles Ave. from Jackson to Lee Circle. This stretch of St. Charles has always seemed so bare compared to the rest of the Avenue.
    the planting of the trees started today!

    say what you want, i think it’s awesome! :D

    Geaux Saints!
    Geaux LSU!
    Geaux Hornets!

    Pollyanna Termite. :)

    heh heh.


  13. Jack Ware (unregistered) on February 19th, 2008 @ 9:35 am

    You do have a point in there about people not taking care of their shit. The Freret neighborhood is a good example of that. There was water – a few feet – but it looks like God sprayed the whole place down with a shit-mist. Fact is, the storm aggravated an already bad situation. Had maintenance been done at some point in the last 30 years the structures would have been better able to weather the storm. My own Shanty for example only took a few inches of water on one side only because it was unlevel and then part that sank six inches got 4 inches of water while the rest got none. But even that little amount of water; being allowed to remain, created a mold problem. That combined with the general disrepair and instability of the structure sort of required me to gut one side of the double. It really had very little to do with the storm and more to do with neglect.

    And I’m not saying shit should be torn down and replaced at a certain age. And I don’t like the idea of New Orleans being all shiny and new – smelling like plastic. But some maintenance needs to happen continually to preserve it at all. As it stands now, I spent the weekend running around to "The Bank" on Felicity, and the "Green Project" over off of Franklin trying to find architecturally more sincere doors and windows to replace the Home Depot bullshit that’s there now as a result of the last renovation – if you can even call it that. Were the original doors and windows maintained and still in place then I could fix them up and it would be a lot less of a hassle and much less expensive.

    Sadly, my urgency to get out of the FEMA death-trap trailer and financial restrictions (no road home or insurance since I bought after the storm) leaves me little choice but to put something quick and cheap in for now. I don’t like the idea, but I can put all four windows and two doors in for the cost of two authentic doors. All I can do, is install everything with the idea of pulling them out and doing something better as soon as I can.

    On the bright side, I bought a hammock yesterday and will be out of the FEMA trailer by this weekend. But I still don’t have running water so I’ll be using the trailer as an outhouse as long as they leave it there which somehow seems appropriate.

    And for the record, and not surprisingly: I think Paul is funny.


  14. Marty (unregistered) on February 19th, 2008 @ 10:00 am

    yes, love him!


  15. missy (unregistered) on February 19th, 2008 @ 1:35 pm

    Thank you Termite, I heard about the trees!
    I can’t wait to see all of them planted.

    Keep up the good work Paul!


  16. Paulp (unregistered) on February 19th, 2008 @ 6:25 pm

    Hey, I wrote about good stuff too. The last post was a little harsh, but I wrote about my observances around town. I noticed there are new trees lining up the Promenade going to the museum. Were the old trees messed up? My mind is playing tricks. There were oak trees in front of the museum right? I’m going to go outside and run down st Charles in a jock strap singing "feed the tree" by the band Belly. Fuck it lets sing it now.

    "So take ya hat off boy when ya talkin to me and be there when I feed the tree". C’mon everybody sing: "So take ya hat off boy when ya talkin to me and be there when I feed the tree!" Dern dern dern da da dern da dern dernHey, I wrote about good stuff too. The last post was a little harsh, but I wrote about my observances around town. I noticed there are new trees lining up the Promenade going to the museum. Were the old trees messed up? My mind is playing tricks. There were oak trees in front of the museum right? I’m going to go outside and run down st Charles in a jock strap singing "feed the tree" by the band Belly. Fuck it lets sing it now.

    "So take ya hat off boy when ya talkin to me and be there when I feed the tree". C’mon everybody sing: "So take ya hat off boy when ya talkin to me and be there when I feed the tree!" Dern dern dern da da dern da dern dern< That was the guitar part.

    I’m going to be the next Sidney Torres. Saving the city whilst baggin the hot bitches. Yeah, thats right.

    See, Im backing up Jack. He has to buy plain stuff to fix his house for now, but at least he’s fixing it. Later on, when he saves a bazillion dollars, he can bring it back to its original splendor. At least its getting cleaned up though.
    So there. Nyah Nyah fatty fatty poo poo heads.


  17. termite. (unregistered) on February 19th, 2008 @ 6:38 pm

    OOOOOOoo you big meanie.

    you better be nice to me or i’m gonna get my friend Lord David to throw a skull at you are something.. :p

    *the trees in front of the museum were distroyed by that storm…what’s it’s name…??

    peace out,
    ya heard?


  18. Lord David (unregistered) on February 19th, 2008 @ 6:57 pm

    You have awoken me by saying my name. Pesky humans…

    It seems that if someone is nice enough to donate living trees to be planted in public space, that’s a good thing. It doesn’t mean everybody has to wear crystals or eat moss & it doesn’t matter if there were trees somewhere else nearby before that. It’s still very generous and in some small way, helpful to our degenerating environment. A Cause of some importance here on the disintegrating Gulf Coast.
    Like Miss Termite says, good stuff is happening, too. Unfortunately, it may be outweighed by the ill effects of hot air that seem to be eminating from Paul P. again.(That’s Mister P.P. to his friends & readers) Didn’t we just talk about this, Paul? DIDN’T WE TALK ABOUT THE HATING?

    I’m sure your mom has told you that you sound great singing idiot songs in the face of good news and intelligent conversation, Paul…
    …she lied.


  19. Paulp (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 7:43 am

    I think were missing the point here. Was this post about me or the shittiness of property in the city. Lord David, If you want groundbreaking news, read the Times Picayune graphic Novel. I highly doubt my little scribbles here will have an adverse affect on the reconstruction of the city.

    I dont hate anyone or anything. You see, I was squirted out into this swamp hole and due to this fact, reserve the right to make fun and bitch about my hometown. I also love my home town. That is the balance that people here every day were dealing with since my grandparents were children.

    Look, Capn’ Dave, this is what I do. I go to almost every bar and restaurant in the city to repair video poker machines and pool tables and jukeboxes. I bullshit with patrons and the owners of these establishments. I go to the dingiest bars in St Bernard to the fanciest restaurants in the Quarter. I get along with everybody. I treat everyone the same. Everybody bitches. It is our civic pastime.

    The places in Central city complain about Central city. The places in Lakeview complain about lakeview, but at the end of every conversation, it ends with, "yeah, but things are getting a little better." That is what I see. I don’t just drive around and throw rocks at babies.

    I AM NEW ORLEANS! I thought a self proclaimed pirate would recognize that passion, matey, aaaaaaaaargh.


  20. Lord David (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 9:11 am

    AT LAST!!! Hats off and mad respect, dude. An honest, bare bones burst of what’s real.
    I appreciate what you do, man. Writing these things isn’t all fun & games, I know. Although sometimes taking the piss outta somebody who’s only looking for a light in the darkness is not the highest ground…
    Anyway, I knew it was in there. "This is what I do" is never an excuse, but a badge of honor. And yes, I understand that without our ability laugh at ourselves, and the madness this city was even BEFORE it flooded, we’d all be the shit heap by now.
    I’m also glad to hear you say that the consensus out there is one of improvement. Whatever our tendancies, beliefs or habits, sometimes we all need some hope.
    So I’ll leave you to "doing what you do" Paul P.
    Wave that crabby, tongue and cheek banner high. I admire your fortitude and must say, sometimes you make me laugh aloud. Keep in mind, however, if I show up to poke fun at you, or holes in you theories, I’m just "doing what I do", too.
    Maybe drinks on Decatur are in order, then…

    PS If I find groundbreaking news in the Times Picayune, I’ll eat it.


  21. myname (unregistered) on February 21st, 2008 @ 8:02 am

    If you think complainers about property conditions are really veiled requests for the plastization of N.O., try living next to a dump of a house, worrying about whether its going to collapse or burn in the night. Try knowing that the house could probably be restored to being a part of the rich fabric of Carrollton. Try knowing that the mini-slum is owned by a long time HANO employee. Check out the 1300 block of Lowerline to see what I mean.


  22. myname (unregistered) on February 21st, 2008 @ 8:02 am

    If you think complaints about property conditions are really veiled requests for the plastization of N.O., try living next to a dump of a house, worrying about whether its going to collapse or burn in the night. Try knowing that the house could probably be restored to being a part of the rich fabric of Carrollton. Try knowing that the mini-slum is owned by a long time HANO employee. Check out the 1300 block of Lowerline to see what I mean.



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