The Jazzfest Crowd
Hello, I’m Craig and I own a business that is boosted by Jazzfest. That is to say my emporium is one that folks from out of town come to enjoy and partronize. And when I say patronize, I truly mean it — in a “yew are jest the kahYEWTest thang in yer apron an’ with yer hat an’….” etc etc.
Please do not misunderstand. Those of us who live in New Orleans are grateful for every dollar brought to us. I’d estimate fully 85% of the folks who are in town this week are wonderful, helpful, tasteful and otherwise affable folks just here to enjoy the music, food and general ambiance that is New Orleans. Thankyouthankyouthankyou. Seriously.
To the other 15% — please put on normal clothing, shut up and go the hell home. Right now. Thank you.
Our place has been fortunate enough this week to host visitors from Hawaii, Sweden, Great Britain, Germany, several Asian nations and a long list of various US states and Canadian provinces. Happy words have been exchanged all around and business cards passed back and forth and laughter traded and all that. It’s great. It really is.
….but please spare me from the oversized, Hawaiian shirt, Jesus-sandal, floppy-hat-and-cargo-short-wearing Baby Huey type (why do their wives always dress in this thing that looks like a baby’s onesie without the crotch snaps? Maybe they DO have crotch snaps. I’m afraid to look). We had a table of them this morning — and I wisely offered to run some errands instead of hanging around and telling them what I REALLY thought….
When you order a “dressed” burger, baby, it includes “all that crap.” And when you order a higher-priced, special burger, it includes even more crap (which is listed on the menu). Sending it back to have us remove crap makes us want to put crap on it that you REALLY don’t want. Seriously.
I got a delivery of fresh produce this morning. I had some myself and it was very good. So, baby, don’t tell me this lettuce is “a little past its prime.” So are you. Big-time.
This is a made-to-order meal for five people. It took 14 minutes to come to your table. If that’s not fast enough, St. Charles Ave. has a McDonald’s, a Burger King and a Wendy’s. Taste the New Orleans food tradition up there. Or, better still, stand in line for 30 minutes at JazzFest to get flaccid facsimilies of what had (maybe) been good food four hours ago. And enjoy it with the real Louisiana flavor of a lukewarm Bud Light.
Okay. Rant over. It’s just been a long day.
We truly are thankful for our visitors over the past couple of weeks. And, even for that 15% who negatively stand out, we’re grateful for giving us something to talk about and stereotype until next year. Really.
But damn.
Related posts:
And the other night, Friday at 10pm I went out for "lunch". The library which is open til 1am now. Jazz Fest must have just let out because all the fast food places had 12 people in line at the drive thru. I rarely eat ‘fast-food’ but I was just plain starving. But I know that fast food in New Orleans is a misnomer. It takes forever.
I finally ended up at BK on Tulane and Carrollton which was off the radar of JFesters. It only had one person in line but I still had to make a HUGE loop back to the university b/c I couldn’t turn left off Tulane. So it still took me forever.
I’ll be happy when August arrives and we have ourselves to ourselves.
I think I saw that crew at the Fest Saturday. They were tiptoeing gingerly around the ubiquitous mud with sour faces trying to keep their white socks clean.
A few weeks back, a group of nicely-dressed ladies parked right in front of my house (where I wanted to park and unload my shit-ton of groceries) and asked me if Mojo Coffeehouse was a nice place to get dinner. My reply was, "Ummmmm, no, it’s a cafe, where you get coffee, bagels and muffins, but if you’re looking for a not-so-expensive place with the best damned sammiches, drive a few blocks up." They asked if you have wine and I couldn’t remember. Do you?
We indeed have wine now — a cab, a couple of chards and a riesling. We’re still develcoping the list, however.
…and thank you.