I haven’t seen any statistics on such, but I would bet the City of New Orleans contains more street derelicts per capita than any metro area in the nation. I have been to New York City and I have been to other great metro areas — but, per block, I say New Orleans has more. I’m not talking about the homeless, whose numbers are easier to track. I’m talking about the homeless PLUS those who have a place to crash but can’t seem to get past the booze/drugs/mental problems/whatever to put two and two together on a daily, societal basis.

Those of you would frequently pass through the intersection of Magazine and St. Andrew (the last one-way block of Magazine as you head Uptown) have seen Tommy. He’s the gnome-like man who often wanders out in the middle of Magazine to shake his cup at passers-by, sometimes stradding the white line before careening, pinball-like, back to the sidewalk. He roots through trash cans to eat, pisses on walls, shouts at people and, generally, endangers himself and creates a small, pitiful spectacle as his daily life. I don’t know Tommy’s story (and I doubt he does either, anymore) and I doubt I could understand a lot of it anyway, given his Dr. John-like manner of growlish Yatspeak. I had to shoo him away from the front of the restaurant this evening, since he’d seated himself at one of our sidewalk tables to dine on leftover macque-choux from the previous occupants. I told him he could take the food, but he couldn’t sit there — so I became a “fucking asshole” as he crept slowly away, corn dribbling down his shirt. He finished it up at a nearby trash can.

The cops tell who know him tell me Tommy has a place to sleep and is not homeless. They’ve been there many times — often to return him from a hospital trip after he’s been beaten severely when calling someone less tolerant a “fucking asshole.” Tommy is one of those many who roam our streets who are beyond reasonable help — likely due to a combination of their own bad choices, unfortunate circumstances and, quite possibly, simple biology. Every city has them, but I don’t think they’re publicly tolerated as much as they are in New Orleans (at least not as long as they’re physically harmless, as Tommy certainly is).

I certainly don’t want him in or near my business. But, at the same time, God bless him and those like him. Please.

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