A quick heart-to-heart, dude-to-dude

Hi, Gustav:

I’ve been watching you for a while now. You look awfully familiar. Did you used to be a chick? I could swear we’ve met before.

I know you probably feel a little neglected right now, what with a very large national convention gobbling up the headlines. Not to mention a certain anniversary. It’s true: you’re probably not getting the attention you deserve. Don’t get bent out of shape just yet, though; your timing is pretty damn impeccable, and I think everyone will be looking your way soon….

Look, Gustav, truth be told: I know you have a choice in landfall sites, and I want to thank you for considering southeastern Louisiana. But with all due respect, I think there are better options in front of you right now. According to the guy with the hair plugs on my TV just now, you could hit almost any beach in the Gulf of Mexico. But here’s the thing, dude: we don’t even have beaches! And although people rave about our food, it’s kinda spicy–not quite what you’re used to. Ever been to Mexico? You know what I’m sayin’. Plus there are lots of other people who could use your rainfall. Drought-stricken areas in the South. I’m not naming names, but Google that when you have a sec, k?

Futhermore–and I’m going to get a little personal, man–I know you’re “acting out” a bit. I don’t know who hurt you when you were younger, or exactly what they did to you, but violent outbursts are never the answer. Plus, we’ve been working hard to get things up to speed around here. Even if you took your best shot, I doubt you’d do the damage you would’ve done a couple of years ago. We’d probably hang out for a couple of days, then pick up right where we left off–just like we used to do all the time. Ask your brother Ivan how we dealt with him. I’m surprised I can even remember his name. Don’t you want to be remembered?

Anyway, I know that chatting with meteorological events isn’t really sensible–at least not in public. And I’m sure you’re kinda busy right now, getting focused and all, so you’re probably not even paying attention to lil’ ol’ me, hundreds of miles away. But I thought I’d put this stuff out there, you know, for what it’s worth. Thanks for your time, and remember: if you’re feeling disorganized today, just go with it.


4 Comments so far

  1. Laureen Lentz (no_laureen) on August 27th, 2008 @ 1:58 pm

    Richard, that would be . . a masterpiece! Nice job!

  2. laurie2 on August 30th, 2008 @ 2:30 am

    Have fun playin’ in the gulf Gustav and Hanna!!

  3. Lil (lilianl) on August 31st, 2008 @ 3:37 pm

    richard, echoing laureen’s sentiment, wow! i’m keeping my fingers (and toes – not easy i tell ya) crossed that gustav will keep his temper in check…

  4. ~ ifantabulous ~ » Blog Archive » Weekend news miscellany (pingback) on September 1st, 2008 @ 11:38 am

    […] has a heart-to-heart with Gustav. Keep up with the news from real people in NOLA here. Well, as long as electricity and internet is […]

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