LaBruzzo’s Final Solution: Seriously, Y’all

Hi, Metairie:

I know there’s been some tension between us lately. I know it’s mostly because you hate it when people think of Metairie as “New Orleans”. That reaction doesn’t surprise me–y’all got your start being an alternative to New Orleans, back in the white-flight gold rush of the 50s and 60s. With your well-kept subdivisions and your sensible, frequently lionized parish president and your rational street grid (Old Metairie not withstanding), you’re pretty much everything that Orleans Parish isn’t. And you want to stay that way. Which is totally fine….

However: we have GOT to talk about your weirdass taste in state representatives. Seriously. I thought y’all might’ve learned a valuable lesson back in the day, when you elected David Duke to the House; I remember that moment pretty clearly, because there was a coast-to-coast epidemic of whiplash when everyone else in America stopped what they were doing and looked at y’all like you had 37 arms and a canister of Zyklon B tucked under each of them.

And now? Your state representative Steve LaBruzzo wants to offer every poor woman in Louisiana $1000 and a heaping helping of free hysterectomy. I’m not joking, dude.

Now, okay: I know I’ve seen women with too many kids. We’ve all had that moment at Schwegmann’s or Robert’s or Rouse’s or whatever they’re calling themselves these days and seen that woman–the one with a cart piled up with Little Debbie snack cakes and too many mouths to feed. But, um, how to put this delicately: EUGENICS IS NOT AN OPTION. Please, pull Stevie aside and tell him that if he’s concerned about rising welfare costs and how poor people are having more kids than wealthy people, he ought to address the bigger problem–namely, Louisiana’s crazy quilt of an educational system. Unfortunately for LaBruzzo, bringing that up to speed will be a slow, time-consuming, not-so-showy process, and might even involve teaching sex ed, which I’m pretty sure he’d oppose. (FYI, he also opposes freedom of choice for women; luring women to have state-funded surgery is fine, but goddess forbid that we allow those same women to pay for a safe, secure abortion.) The only thing that LaBruzzo proves by pushing eugenics is that he, too, is totally undereducated–which begs the question: would he really be willing to include free vasectomies for guys? And would he be first in line? That might sway my opinion on the matter.

Bottom line: I know that Orleans parish has its share of fuckups. Honestly, I would love nothing more than to see C. Ray and Dollar Bill get gaymarried tomorrow and set up housekeeping in Napa Valley. But clearly we are not alone in this drifting tugboat we call a state. Please fix the problem ASAP.

xoxo Richard

P.S. Yes, I’ve been watching Gossip Girl.

P.P.S. Can you tell me something? Seriously now: were David Duke and Al Copeland the same person? Or at least cousins? Because the all that Tiny Dick Syndrome and Plastic Surgery Addition seems a shade too coincidental for my tastes. Just curious.

1 Comment so far

  1. laurie2 on September 25th, 2008 @ 12:37 am

    Open the Presidential Debates!!

    Write to Susan Brown the Commission on presidential debates at:

    sb@debates.org

    Or call:

    Barack Obama:

    866-675-2008 hit 6

    Or John McCain:

    (703)418-2008 hit 2 or 3 to speak, 6 to leave a message.

    Laurie



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