Attention, people at the National Hurricane Center:

I know it’s a little late for this, but my partner, Jonno, and I have some suggestions for future storm names. Not that there’s anything wrong with the ones you’ve chosen but…oh, who are we kidding? They totally suck.

Seriously: Gustav? You’re trying to get people interested, to make them pay attention, and you’re going with Gustav? Do we really need to tell you that NO ONE KNOWS Flaubert? He’s like someone you’re supposed to read in French class, but you slink by with the Cliffs Notes summary, and Madame Washington is none the wiser. And of the (maybe) 12 people who remember him, NO ONE remembers his first name.

That said, we have some great suggestions that ought to liven things up. They appeal to a broad demographic, including literary types, pop culture junkies, and ‘tards. Check out these babies:

• Hurricane Ignatius P. Reilly (A storm any bookworm would love!)

• Hurricane Jan Brady (They still run that show in syndication, you know.)

• Hurricane Kenickie (Everybody remembers Grease!)

• Hurricane Linda Lavin (It’s alliterative!)

• Hurricane Marcelle Marceau (Also alliterative!)

• Hurricane Nanette Fabray (I lobbied for Nana Mouskouri, but no dice. Sad face.)

• Hurricane Otis Spunkmeyer (But only if he sponsors it.)

• Hurricane Pussy Terwilliger (A celebrity, but only in in my mind.)

That’s all we’ve come up with so far, but we can totally go all the way to Z if necessary. Just give us the word.

My charges in Mid City, Nick and Josh, are exposed to all kinds of homeless people which have been pushed from the Claiborne Overpass to our area because the Victory church on Broad offers food for them. Since we’ve been reading a lot of books, we sort of casually came up with the word “snaggletooths” for these homeless men instead of “bums”.  The kids know they don’t want to be that when they get older for sure! Watching these guys living on the street and drinking beer all day reinforces their focus on reading and doing well in school.

I took Nick and Josh to the Mid City library on Saturday to get their prizes for reading their required eight books for the summer reading program. They got an unexpected bag of loot as a reward! Pizza certificates, free Frosties, and a pass to Audubon Zoo were all included. We thought we’d earn just one of these prizes but we earned all of them. Wow!

Josh chose some more books, among others, he got some from the Arthur series and Captain Underpants and we also sprinkled in some picture books which are funny and have great illustrations and squirrely use of words which make us laugh and teaches them about the elasticity of the english language. We got a bag full of books for the next couple of weeks.

After we got our loot-bag and books, we went to the Wendy’s on St. Charles Ave. to get our free Frosties and the boys said they wanted salads. I thought that idea would be patently ditched once we got to Wendy’s but it wasn’t. Our food took forever and some patrons were really getting pissy. One patron scared the boys in his scant-nasty painter’s outfit. This guy was complaining rudely and loudly about the gay guy behind the counter who was serving food, it seems he wanted to blame the whole entire slow service issue on the gay guy.  He was not aware that he was scaring the kids with his long, wild hair, filthy clothes and his head-to-toe anger, the first in a whole social house-of-horrors unfolding before us.

I was disgusted at the whole situation but I was calm and patient and so were the kids.  The challenge of being cool was pushed to the limit when the second asshole in line also started lashing out verbally at the staff about the slow service in general. 

To his complete credit, the gay guy behind the counter serving people responded to both assholes utterly apologetically and professionally.  

Then, it got worse. We were attacked by a battallion of “snaggletooths”.  We got our Frosties and Nick said he wanted to bring our food home. I knew he was probably right, but I said it would be nice to sit down and eat at a table together, we decided to try it.

To no avail, when the BLT salads they ordered finally arrived the resident Wendy’s bums swooped down on our booth. It was like a Micheal Jackson Thriller video.  One of the female “snaggletooths” approached our table and said something like this, “Can you help me with my “chirrans, insurance??”  Truthfully, I am not quite sure what she was saying but she was scary. . . my patience had run out. I looked her straight in the eye and said very cheerfully, “Absolutley not.”

The kids and I swiftly packed up our food and skidaddled out of there gracefully and enjoyed a very peaceful lunch at home.  The kids were so well behaved, I took them to the Zoo on Sunday. We didn’t let that episode ruin our great weekend.

Denied  Approved

Sitting up on the dais in Council Chambers is a very surreal experience since Karen and I sat in the audience for so many months together. I sit in Stacy Head’s chair as I am the appointee for Dist. B., channeling her strength of public speaking. I am rather meek by comparison.

I promised Stacy and Carla, her legislative aide, that I’d do my best not to accidentally use the ‘F’ word. I did my homework to help get the committee rolling with Robert’s Rules of Order as best I could. I believe in the need to publicly and transparently address the issues that have plagued the committee in the past, since I know them so well already. Matt McBride, Karen and Michelle Kimball (PRC) have all been helpful in bringing things to our attention, since there are so many things that can slip through the cracks and either fail to end up before the NCDC for review or items that come to us that are under special moratoriums, like the LSU/VA area in Mid City.

I was terrified at the first meeting and got there an hour early. I got busy helping Nelson, the Chair, making sure that we got enough agendas printed for the public on the table, shaking Bruce Eggler’s hand and meeting my fellow committee members. Eric, the contractor rep from Beck, who is in charge of managing the Federally funded demos, now attends our meetings. This alone has been a huge improvement to the process. Eric answers all my questions via email, even late on Friday and sometimes on Saturday. He’s very responsive.

Also, having community level representatives from each council district has created much more of a team atmosphere in general, it’s not so much the public v. ‘the City’ anymore. We have a lot more help and we respect our individual votes. The street-level of expertise contributing to the meeting is refreshing.

Hosting the meetings in the Chambers has also been a huge improvement because there is room for all the homeowners as well as the audience and everyone has a chance to get on the record. Although, we do have to be ready to go fast toward the end of the meeting, when Hillary Carrere, the Housing & Neighborhood Development rep starts his ’speed round’. He starts putting out motions before Nelson even announces the next property on the agenda. This is the sort of process issues we hope to correct. Thanks to my previous work with Karen Gadbois, this is old hat for me. I am very prepared for the meetings, going through some 70+ packets and checking Karen’s photos on Squandered Heritage and then heading out into the field myself for particular properties I am very unsure about.

The main factors we consider under the new ordinance are:
1) Current Condition fo the structure.
2) Architectural Signifigance of the structure.
3) Historical Signifigance of the subject structure.
4) Urban Design Signifigance as it relates to the pedestrian perception and movement and the height, area and bulk of the structure and how it relates to the street scene traffic.
5) Neighborhood context of the structure.
6) Overall effect on the blockface.
7) Proposed time/length the subject site is anticipated to remain undeveloped.
8) Proposed plan for redevelopment.
9) Stated position of adjacent neighbors, neighborhood associations or other interested individuals or organizations, either in writing(email) or during public comment at the hearing.(If you send me an email, I promise to read it into the record for you.)

This criteria is more holistic than the previous ordinance for the HCDRC. It’s still hard because I can’t help but wonder that if some people were offered the equivalent cash money being offered for ‘free’ demolition, they could use it to fix their house. But this is not the case. We’re all assigned this ‘do or die’ decision and once the houses are gone, an empty lot is all that is left.

Part of our purpose is also to ‘discourage underutilization of property in an urban environment’. We also have to be sensitive to the need to remove dangerous structures before hurricane season is upon us again. It’s not an easy task at all. Evaluating the possible eternal loss of the legacy of our unique architectural heritage along with the aspect of rewarding slumlords for years of neglect, and also the need to remove properties that are thwarting the ability for a neighborhood to thrive.

Another issue is that some properties are being quickly reclassified as Imminent Danger of Collapse (IDC). This maneuver exempts them from review of our committee and we are looking to be sure it’s not being abused. The problem with this is that the definition is vague in the ordinance under Article VI, Division V, Sec. 26-166: Minimum Housing Standards Code, there is no technical requirement here at all which needs to be fixed. While I am not one to distrust our Civil Service staff, this is so vague it’s useless. Basically, Johnny Odom decides. The only comfort I have to offer is that he’s better than Mike Centenio:
Sec. 26-166. Imminent danger of collapse.

The code official and the department of safety and permits shall determine as a matter of fact whether or not a public nuisance is in imminent danger of collapse and constitutes a menace to public safety. If the determination is made that a public nuisance is in imminent danger of collapse and constitutes a menace, then the code official is authorized to cause the demolition of the nuisance without previous notice to the owner, executor, administrator, agent, lessee, or any person who may have a vested or contingent interest in the public nuisance.

I know this is already far too long but one last thing I should tell you is that those chairs in Chambers are very large. After a couple hours your back hurts, because of this I sometimes sink back in the chair for a few minutes. I have taken to sitting on the large packet of applications given to us at the beginning of the meeting for the next meeting so I can sit high enough in the chair to get my face up to my mike for a clear smackdown when I have a point to make. It helps me feel a little less tiny while defending my well researched and sometimes big decisions.

If it weren’t for my work with Karen G. and Squandered Heritage, I don’t think I’d feel so good about taking on this duty. I take our collective knowledge up there with me when I hear the double-speak coming from the podium. I know I have a full arsenal of knowledge to do the best job possible for New Orleans. It’s a great honor, but it is still depressing work.

Someone gave me this quote of encouragement upon my appointment which is also useful.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in the worthy cause . . .”

Teddy Roosevelt. The Man in the Arena, Paris France, 1910.

I went into a bar today (as shocking as that is to so many) to have lunch. This place is within easy walking distance of our house and used to be a regular hangout — but it seemed to be evolving into a place a bit more negative so I’d been avoiding it except to use the ATM or make some other small purchase. Over the past six months, my total expenditures in the place wouldn’t buy enough gasoline to get to Slidell (though that’s no small feat anymore).

Anyway, I drive by and see the kitchen staff hanging around outside and it’s a veteran crew. I glance in the door and there’s virtually nobody there, so I figure now’s a good time to sit down and give the place another chance. Maybe I’m wrong, y’know? Local place, local dollars, we’re all in this together, yadda yadda.

So I sit down at the bar and order a sandwich and a Barq’s and I’m watching a little baseball and some guy walks in off the street and IMMEDIATELY (like, first glance) tells some guy at the end of the bar he “don’t wanna hear it” and these two yahoos get into a shouting and shoving match. In like, oh, 12 seconds. The barkeep says he doesn’t want this kinda crap in his bar so he tosses one of them and order is restored. About this time my food arrives and I really, REALLY don’t want to wait for Tossed Guy to show back up (and you know he will) to resume this argument. So I ask for a box and walk back to the house with my food and the remainder of the Barq’s.

I get back to the house and open the food and it is, in a word, horrible. And this from a place that’s been featured (deservedly, in the past) in some national publications for its food and atmosphere.

Our city these days has too many such places, events and, in so many cases, people — that we used to trust because they used to be solid and reliable. And they still are, at least to those who have been away or don’t get back as much as they’d like or who prefer to see things through yesterday’s eyes. But they’ve become weak facsimilies of their old selves — surviving on reputation instead of reality. I could list them, but that would only spur needless argument and it would be a subjective list anyway.

New Orleans is, thankfully, a sum of its traditions. It’s one of the main reasons I live here. But it bothers me when there’s too much looking back. In our case, too often, hindsight is far from 20/20. Simple physical myopia is correctible — but I fear our social and cultural near-sightedness could be deadly if we let it.

Today I drove off on my way to run in the park but unbeknownst to me, a wild kitten was hiding out in my engine. I forgot my headphones and “made the block” and saw his lifeless body in the street. I had committed kitten manslaughter. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of wanting to throw-up.

We all deal with these wild cat and dog populations throughout the city again after a brief and noticeable respite after Katrina. It’s an inner battle; to feed or not to feed. Ignore? Capture? SPCA is overwhelmed too. Be humane is all we can do.

In addition to the larger issues of how we collectively deal with the feral animal population, I just have a hard time with dead animals. I can’t look at them or else I can’t get the image out of my mind and lose sleep, it traumatizes me.

The local neighborhood kids who know me came by for their usual check-in and I explained my dilemma to the kids about not feeling right about just ignoring it until the kitty became unrecognizable mush but also my inability to pick it up. I stood with them a block away pointing at the kitten corpse, asking for their honest evaluation of the situation. They are 10 and 12 yrs old but I knew they’d direct me on the right path.

Josh said, “What would Jesus Do?” I’m like yeah, bury the kitty.

A ‘rock’ of a neighbor did the dirty work for us. She rallied, along with the neighborhood kids, they ran down the street. Together, they picked up the kitty in a bag which they simply did fast. Like ripping a band-aid off a wound.

I felt bad putting this task on them, I just can’t do this myself.

Then after a little psyche talk amongst ourselves, the kids helped me to dig a hole with pitchforks and shovels. We discussed what the word ‘denomination’ means briefly and talked at length back-and-forth about the proper depth of the grave.

We were all absolute about the fact that this kitten was for sure going to heaven but couldn’t do so if the body was still in the plastic bag. We had to get it out of the bag and into the hole without looking at it. It deserved a proper burial.

We put the bag down and agreed to spill it without looking on the count of three, but Nick still couldn’t avoid a scary glimpse of the kitten as it went in but he seemed ok with it.

In the end, we felt better because we know, as hard as this is, we had to do the right thing. It was right by the kitten and right by the residents for not having to be traumatized too. I told them it really meant a lot to me for their help with this somber task.

After we did this difficult deed, the kids and I spent the afternoon printing coloring pages off the internet and I bought them a box of crayons and some colored pencils and they went off to their evening church service which is obviously giving them some fortitude of spirit which I am benefiting from.

Back in 2006, some folks in our fair city voted to re-elect William Jefferson even though they didn’t like him. Even though he was (and is) self-absorbed and ineffective. Even though his habit of keeping $90k stashed in frozen Tupperware seemed (and seems) a tad suspicious.

Why would sane, sensible voters do such a thing? Because they assumed that the pending federal investigation of Jefferson would lead to an indictment, which would lead to his resignation, which would lead to another election in which they could elect someone, like, really good.

Those voters, btw, are now officially idiots:

The Supreme Court on Monday let stand a lower court ruling that the F.B.I. went too far in searching the office of Representative William J. Jefferson, a Louisiana Democrat accused of using his position to promote business deals in Africa.

Without comment, the justices declined to review a ruling by the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, which concluded last August that agents had violated the Constitution by the methods it used in the May 2006 search.

The appeals court did not find that the raid itself was unconstitutional; rather, it found that the F.B.I. violated constitutional separation of powers by allowing agents to look freely through Congressional files for incriminating evidence….

New York Times

So basically, instead of voting for a nice, normal candidate the first time around, a bunch of smartasses who simply didn’t care for Karen Carter have allowed Louisiana’s reputation to languish (note: understatement is the new black). That’s pretty unfortunate, because, you know, given all the senatorial whoremongering and the gubernatorial buck-passing and the mayoral spouting-off, we could’ve used an “in” with somebody in DC.

P.S. Coincidentally, Jefferson illustrates my favorite Obscure Word of the Week: throttlebottom. It works on so many levels.

The house next door to ours was burnt out way before we bought our house. It was ruled an arson as I understand and word on the street is the owner had something to do with that but I can’t say for sure. Anyway before we left on vacation a little while ago the house looked like this: before and when we returned it looked like this:After
FEMA were the ones who tore it down even though the damage done to the house had absolutely nothing to do with the hurricane. Should FEMA be doing stuff like this? Who knows. Now the owner of the property is trying to get a permit to put a modular Katrina cottage on the lot. The neighbors are fighting it simply because we all work really hard to keep up our houses and uphold the historical integrity of the area. I know I spend too much time inside with the baby not paying attention to rules and politics and such but I would rather have an empty lot than a modular home next door.

   
Click photos to see more of the photo set

Today I did something I have been meaning to do for a long time. I went to check out the homeless camp under the Claiborne Ave. overpass. First, I took some copper I have had sitting around for months to the scrapyard. This is a scene all its own. The staff there was laughing because I wanted my photo taken and readily admitted that I had never scrapped before and was a bit nervous. They were really, really nice. They told me what to do and took my license and handed me $16 for the armful of copper I put on the scale. Then, I took that money and an extra comforter I had to homeless people under the bridge.

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Because you can only get so much information from GeekTv, I went ahead and did a Request for Public Information (RFPI) and got copies of all the Trash Contracts from the City Attorney. They were very prompt in fullfiling my request but the woman who handed them over to me insisted, rather feebly, that the wording did not include demolition type debris. She wasn’t adamant, she was interested because I was so interested. Thanks to Sarah in the City Attorney’s office for making all these copies and for being so sweet.

At first reading, I thought they were correct and I was wrong. Upon further investigation with my handy pink highlighter, I found that the contract really is poorly written and the “unlimited” issue and debris definitions are actually clearly debatable but also there are more holes to consider.

The formal agreement, the bulk wording of the contract, is altered only a little in the bid portion of each contract . . . particularly for SDT who does the 25s. The wording is different for SDT than the vendors handling trash for the rest of the City. Thanks to RCS for putting some of it online so I could illustrate the circular references to construction/demolition debris within the Bulk Waste and Solid Waste terms as well as the issue of the word ‘unlimited’.

My aim was to get at least some of this online so citizens can review the language and definitions through these links to the actual documents and have a real discussion on the issue. Admittedly, I am impatient, I can’t wait for the Inspector General to get up and running. Keep in mind, I am not saying I am 100% right but I believe in having contracts and all publicly generated minutia online. Who knows where things might go from there. I got tired of being on only one side of this discussion.
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Editor B.got the same email that I did today regarding the trash contract dilemma. He is ahead of me at posting these actual letters from companies who opted out of the bidding process for the colossal trash contract which illustrate their sensible review of the contract based on the word ‘unlimited’.

These newly released documents shed logical light on the situation. If you must read only one of them, I would go with WM’s response. Among their particular points for witholding from the bid process, it includes this pointed bullet; “The breadth of collection services without designating the quantities of household garbage and related trash that is expected to be collected.” This line exemplifies the proper reservation any logical person would have upon review of the contract. To her credit, Stacy Head, along with others on the City Council raised this concern loudly last year when the contract was presented.

The usual hanky panky players of Civil Rights Activists who haven’t yet realized it is actually 2007, showed up to at City Hall budget hearing hearing this week in an attempt to intimidate the Council, an old game in New Orleans. The reality is that some waste managment companies have better legal counsel than others. Some of them can read. Others seemed to have opted to go after the ‘pots o’ money’ and worry about the logistics later.
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