What is it with Planes and New Orleans Peeps?
Business flight to North Carolina to check up on some radio stations. Flight from New Orleans to Atlanta, no issues. We’re all in the same boat, why would we get upset with each other? We save that for driving around the city yelling at each other anyway.
But the Atlanta to ________ North Carolina flight is a different story all together.
The plane is packed. Not an empty seat in coach. I don’t mind sitting with the common people, hell I am a common person. The couple next to me seem nice enough, he looks like Ron Howard -Opie and she looks like a older Martha Stewart.They start the chit-chat, not me. I just answer their questions. I’m in radio, it’s a business trip, blah blah blah until:
“Where ya from?”
(Mind) Don’t say New Orleans, don’t say New Orleans
(Mouth) “New Orleans”
The shit hits the fan.
The couple that asked the question recoil in horror.
The woman across the aisle- she’s is not attractive, she looks like Chief Wiggum from the Simpsons-drops a portion of the philly cheese steak sandwich she’s eating on the middle of her rather sizeable lap.
The two older gentlemen in the row in front of me spin around so fast I think that the superhero “The Flash” is flying to ________ North Carolina with me. One looks like Mack Brown of the University of Texas. The other reminds me of Walter Cronkike for some reason.
Opie, Martha, Chief Wiggum, Mack and Walter. Plus ole New Orleans Dan.
Martha: “Why the hell would anyone want to live there?”
(mind)- Cause it’s a free fucking country you backroad hick”
(mouth)- It’s a beautiful enchanting city.
Opie: “I went there once, all them black people, never again”
(mind)- Thanks for the info Grand Wizard of the KKK
(mouth)- I see
Mack: “Why ya’ll keep asking for money?”
(mind)- I wish you had kept some of your cash cause you need some mouthwash- or I need a gas mask
(mouth)- Well rebuilding a city is not cheap.
Walter: “I sure am glad that they ain’t gonna rebuild that place”
(mind)- What the fuck you say mother fucker?
(mouth)- Your incorrect there sir
Wiggum: “All I got to say is I wish you people would leave Atlanta”
(mind)- Ummmm I’m a white guy
(mouth)- Who are “you people?”
Opie: “All ya’ll from New Orleans. Everyone in Atlanta is tired of supporting ya’ll. Ya’ll need to go home”
(mind)- You know, my hands would fit around your neck perfectly
(mouth)- Sadly there are not really any homes left
Martha: “Are you living in a tent?” then giggles
(mind)- You savage bitch. I want to drag you to the bathroom and stuff you and your tired withered vagina down the toilet.
(mouth)- no ma’am, I’m not but I know many people who are right now
Wiggum: “I don’t want no more of my tax dollars being spent on you people”
(mind)- good idea, that sandwich and the other TWO in the bag must have cost you alot
(mouth)- Trust me ma’am, we don’t want anymore of your money
Wiggum: “What you mean by that?”
(mind)- Your money should be spent on a expedition to find your first chin
(mouth)- We just want the levee’s rebuilt
Mack: “The what rebuilt?”
Walter: “They already rebuilt your levees”
Opie: “Ya’ll got 80 billion, ain’t that enough”
Mack: “Oh those- Bush said ya’ll got the money for those”
(mind)- I will kill all of you in 10 seconds flat.
(mouth)- It’s actually 85 million and that’s not for levee’s. That’s for other stuff. It’s a kinda big area and theres alot to do
Wiggum: “Why should we give ya’ll money for that? We don’t need no levee’s in Atlanta.”
(mind)- Where were you when we really needed you? Your butt coulda stopped the levee breach by itself.
(mouth)- Well you need interstates in Atlanta right?
Opie, Martha, Chief Wiggum, Mack and Walter all lean forward waiting for the wisdom. “Yeah” is the group answer.
(mouth)- Well the federal government built our levees and they failed. The Federal government also builds interstates. Now if that loop that goes around Atlanta collapsed some day with a bunch of cars on it, you would want it rebuilt right?
Opie, Martha, Chief Wiggum, Mack and Walter all look at each other and then back at me.
Wiggum: “That don’t make no sense”
Opie: “I don’t get it”
Martha: “Huh?”
Mack: “I’m not from Atlanta”
Walter: “Damn right they better rebuild it”
(mouth)-Well the levee’s breaking are what caused all the problems. So we feel the same way as you would, that the people who built it wrong should fix it.
Mack: “Your full of it- that black mayor of yours is what caused the problems. He shoulda used them buses.”
(mind)- If I wouldn’t go to jail I would pull your lungs out of your body RIGHT FREAKIN NOW!!!
(mouth)- He wishes he had used them too, I promise.
Wiggum: “This country don’t need no New Orleans anyway”
(mind)- stay seated stay seated stay seated
(mouth)- The New Orleans area gives alot to this country ma’am- you might want to check your facts
Opie: “That wasn’t nice”
Martha: “That was rude”
Wiggum: “whad you say to me Mister?”
J.N., the flight attendent appears: “Mr. Frazier, we will be able to accommodate your move to first class”
(mind)- ummmm request? What? First class who?
(mouth)- Thank you so much.
I’m gone. J.N. tells me she heard the whole converstation.
J.N.: “Honey, I’m from New Orleans. You need some first class pampering after that discussion”
(mind)- Thank God for Angels
(mouth)- Thank God, your a Angel.
Hey Mack, Wiggum, Martha, Opie and Walter: From New Orleans Metrobloggers: “Go fuck yourself.”
Related posts:
Honest to god, most of NC isn’t like this. Sorry. *blushes for the state*
Wow. And these people HAD the advantage of an actual high school education?? Makes you wonder what other school systems need to be scrapped. Not to mention that plain old-fashion compassion seems to be a thing of the past. Well, maybe if you had pointed out if we hadn’t prostituted ourselves to the nation for the past 40-50 years for cheap, we’d be rolling in oil dollars and they would have paid for that. Maybe Blanc-look is right. Let’s slap a 2 buck a gallon ‘excise tax’ on all the oil produced offshore and imported through the Port of New Orleans. Shouldn’t raise the price of their gas to more than, oh……10 bucks a gallon? Let’s see how #*$^$ important we are THEN.
Mike
Brilliant writing.
…and I know exactly the ________, NC town you were flying to.
n.o. is my home town, and if you would have been arrested i would have helped post bail or sent you a file.
Opie: “I went there once, all them black people, never again”
(mind)- Thanks for the info Grand Wizard of the KKK
Narrowly avoided spraying the ol’ monitor with beer when I hit that line :)
Incredible. I’m up here in PA and I hear this all the time. I cant beleive the lack of compassion for our own countrymen. The area I lived in flooded really badly in ‘72 (Hurricane Agnes) and it seems everyone here forgets about all the federal aid we got to rebuild the city and build bigger levees and storm gates across the bridges….Good for you for keeping your cool!
Damn Right!
I am finding that most often, when you scratch one of these New Orleans haters, out comes a really pissed-off bigot. More evidence as to why I never want to live anywhere else. A fucked-up New Orleans is better than ________________, NC, any day of the year. Dangerblond.
Good God. I wish I could say it was unbelievable. Sadly it’s not. Thanks for keeping your sense of humor.
What horrible people! Unfortunately, I’ve been hearing something of the same elsewhere, in Arkansas and Missouri. I have a very hard time biting my tongue–especially when it’s a friend or relative who makes such statements. I have no trouble with nasty retorts to people I don’t know.
And, though I’ve always wanted to (and still do), I’ve never even made it to New Orleans.
We lived in NC for a bit. I wrote a check right after we arrived and presented my Louisiana license. The cashier said and I quote - “Louisiana, what state is that in?”
So, yeah. Not surprised.
A.
Incredible. I hear the same thing from friends in Houston. It’s getting extremely hostile there, as covered by both the T-P and the Houston Chronicle. I get a different story from Austin–where evacuees tell me that they have been treated extremely well and feel extremely welcome here. What does this incredible insensitivity say about our society? Perhaps for some of us, we now know what it’s like to be a refugee or immigrant in another society….the welcome mat is only temporary, and once “we” are through with you, get out of our territory….
Wow ~ that’s so great, first class deliverance from evil….I LOVE it. Nice job, like the mind/mouth thing. Excellent.
Just saw an article on CNN.com that says the melting Artic glaciers are raising sea level in the Atlantic more than they thought. Wouldn’t it juuust be ironic if New Orleans turned out to be ahead of the game because we’ve got our levees already up and running? I can’t wait to see the looks on the other major coastal cities’ faces! dangerblond
On behalf of the city of Atlanta, I apologize. Not everyone here is like that. Certainly there are some, though, like anywhere.
I’m also a New Orleans native. You handled that situation alot better than I would have.
Born in Atlanta, grew up in NC, and now live in SC. I’m a triple threat.
Tragically, there *are* folks like that in each locale. And, just as tragically, I had a lot of the same questions about levees in the weeks after Katrina and Rita.
Then I went to NO on a mission trip to help restore homes. I saw the devastation. I felt deflated. I wanted to take the entire city into a big hug and make everything right again. Folks I came into contact with enlightened me about how crucial NO is as a port; I saw for myself how important the city is culturally and spiritually.
I’m now a convert, and am working to help educate the imbeciles who continue to believe that NO is just like Oliver saying, “More, please.” Our team hosts a site with diaries and pics of cleanup. I’m speaking to every civic or religious or neighborhood group that will have me, working on eradicating the negativity.
I apologize on behalf of the uneducated, and hope I can meet your seatmates soon. I have some wisdom I’d like to smack upside their heads. And bless JN for making the rest of your trip comfortable.
Mind: I find it hard to believe anyone would be so crass as to say something like that. No one has ever talked to me in that way.
Mouth: Sorry to hear that.
You go, Allison. We don’t want handouts, just people to understand. Looks like we got to ya
^_^
Mike
great post! you did good editing your comments from your mind to your mouth.. i wouldnt have been so gracious!
i was defending you all just the other day… when a news program came on about the FD needing more money from fema to collect bodies and fema not wanting to pay and an elderly woman made the comment, ” gee they already got billions , and now they want MORE?”
wtf? after 6 mos there are AMERICANS ON AMERICAN SOIL still under rubble??????? and theres not more outrage about it? dick cheney can shoot a lawyer and get lots of air time, when stories like this just get 30 second blurbs and they move on to a lost dog at JFK airport.
Oh, hell yeah!
brilliant.
Dave: That’s one shitty planeload of Americans. Enjoyed your response. NOLA is the birthplace of jazz, a huge seaport, and the only really exotic place in America. America–as in OUR country. Abandoning NOLA is NOT an option.
I’m taking a bunch of college kids down to the Crescent City on spring break. Instead of getting trashed on Bourbon Street they’ll be sleeping in a FEMA camp and working with ACORN to help clean out people’s homes so they can rebuild. If Bush hadn’t mired us in this mess in Iraq we’d have the money to rebuild the levees and more.
Go to Blogspot and search for Tennessee Crowbar Krewe to read more about our trip. Loved Allison’s comments and hoper to ead more on her blog.
Rebuild NOLA Now!!!
That was a great post … hope you don’t mind, but I posted it over at Daily Kos. If you do mind, don’t worry, my posts never get a lot of attention! :)
I’m a New Yorker but I love New Orleans and have been there many times. My favorite spot is Donna’s Bar & Grill, the food, the music … well I love Mother’s, too, and Brennans, and the A&P on Royal & St. Peter’s and well … I love it all.
I’m from Dixon, Illinois.
I visited New Orleans once in my life - to complete the last wishes of my brother, Fred Pierce. Before he died he asked to have ashes scattered into the Mississippi from a certain spot on the levee.
He loved New Orleans, and thought of Mike Stark, owner of The Little Shop of Fantasy, as his mentor/muse. Fred would tell you he was an actor first and mask-maker second. Mike sold Fred’s masks at the shop.
Mike and Fred died within months of each other. I wrote or called persons unknown at the Little Shop of Fantasy to tell them that Fred had died. That’s when I first encountered Ann and Laura Guccione.
Imagine this:
It is a comfortably warm New Orleans night. The year is 2000. It’s Mardi Gras. You are walking down St. Anne’s, a narrow old street on the heart of the French Quarter. The first things you hear are the sounds of a Dixieland Jazz band. Then you notice a lot - and I mean a lot - of people filling the street. My first thought: this has to be a movie because it is too perfectly cast. There were beautifully costumed people everywhere.
Suddenly the only person I had actually met before – 2 hours before – recognized me and called out my name. Heads turn. Then it really begins. One after another friends of Fred came up introduce themselves. There were so many others that I lost track.
All the while another side of my brain is screaming, “find the magicians who produced this magic” – the sisters Guccione, Ann and Laura. Finally I excused myself to go look for them. I was expecting to find two women in their forties, probably comfortably rubenesque, with graying hair. Wrong! They are in their late twenties. They are stunningly beautiful and that beauty flows from the inside. You just know that as time goes on they will become classically great looking women.
Ann presented me with a box of wonderfully wrapped tiny packages of Fred’s ashes. I distributed them to his friends. Ann and Laura also produced candles in glass jars embellished with a picture of one of Fred’s masks above his name. There must have been a least a hundred candles handed out. Meanwhile, the same thing was being done by Mike Stark’s sister. It was Mike who inspired Fred to start making feathered masks which Mike then sold through his store, the Little Shop of Fantasy. It was to that shop we had all come. Both Fred and Mike passed away last year.
And suddenly the Last Parade began. It was really like a whole lot of friends walking down the street together. The band led us towards the Mississippi River. Everything was casual, comfortable, and with all those costumes, really quite beautiful. We only walked 6 to 8 blocks – 4 of which were along the river front park. We came to the steps leading down to the mother waters of the mighty Mississippi. Judy, Mike’s sister, walked down the steps and asked everyone to gather. First I said a few words thanking everyone for honoring Fred and Mike in such a meaningful and touching way. Then Judy explained why this was so appropriate. We turned to the river, threw our packages of ashes in, and welcomed both spirits back to Mardi Gras forever.
Following the ashes feathers were tossed in honor of their talented use in mask making. People stood around and talked awhile. Very gently it started to sprinkle. Were Fred and Mike letting us know that it was over?
I will never forget the sights, sounds. and memories of Fred’s last parade. Ann and Laura Guccione, with a supporting cast of millions attending Mardi Gras, have my eternal gratitude for producing Fred’s Last Parade.
If you feel during this Mari Gras something is missing, look around for Ann and Laura. If you can’t find them, just call on Mike and Fred. They are there.
That’s why New Orleans isn’t going away any time soon.
Props!
Richard that was a truly beautiful story.
Oh good gravy! I wish I had been sitting with Dan…I’d be on HIS side (although I probably would have hit my limit with the maroons quicker). Actually since I love the city of New Orleans (I grew up in Mississippi not too far from the city and my parents would take my brother and I on weekend trips there about once every 3 months or so), I’d probably would have picked his brain on some good po’boy places that have re-opened and other stuff. And since I worked in radio for over 20 years, I could have engaged in that convo, too. At least I would have made the attempt of being pleasant. I’m glad my Mama taught me manners.
Dan, if you read this, I am very pro-New Orleans even though I now live the Florida. I hope to one day be able to visit the city again and maybe even be hired by one of the TV stations there (I now work in television). New Orleans is still my favorite place in the world (Memphis being second but that’s another story). I can’t wait to be able to visit my inlaws in their new home in Gulfport so at least my wife and I can daytrip over there (she’s going to have to hold my wallet when we go to some of the local music shops - the last time I was at one several years ago, I blew over $500 on CD’s by local and regional artists).
It’s going to take a long time to rebuild the city and it may be smaller for a while but one thing is absolutely certain in my mind - New Orleans will rebuild.
Richard, what a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it.
Dan, after what you went through, I totally want to buy you a drink. I got blindsided by that same “why didn’t Nagin use all those buses, blame Nagin not Bush” argument up here in Boulder, where people are usually more compassionate than that. I didn’t argue with her so much as change the subject to my impending visit home to see what damage my parents had suffered and what I could do to help. I don’t think Ms. Don’t Blame My Bush realized she was talking to a NOLA native whose family had actually been impacted by the situation. She shut up pretty quick after that.
So, like, yeah. You’re my hero, and the drink’s on me. (And, whaddaya know, I happen to be boarding a train this evening for arrival in New Orleans on Wednesday…)
“Riding on the City of New Orlean’s”….
Laurie
Bring it on Nicole, I’ve been reading the Denver blog since I lived there for awhile, enjoy your stuff- Would love to try and meet while your in town.
Laurie, thank you very much, goodness knows I have such a dreadful need for that song stuck in my head! *g* I’m in Chicago at the moment at the public library near the university, and I’ll be on that train in about an hour and a half. (Probably oughtta get walkin’ shortly. Got a mile and a half to get back to the station.)
Dan, a meet-up would be great fun. I’ll be out in Metairie, near the Bonnabel Pumping Station. Glad you like the Denver blogging–I’ve been enjoying the latest posts at New Orleans too. I’ll be doing some “exchange blogging” while I’m in town, so thank you in advance for the Metblogs hospitality! I promise to be a good blog-guest and clean up after myself and help with the dishes and everything.
I’ll see you in the email. We’ll hook up.
Your welcome.
Have a safe Mardi Gras!
Laurie
Dan,
Give ‘em hell!
Rebuild New Orleans.
Paul in Plano
a former Westbank-er who relocated several years ago for business reasons
Dan,
Give ‘em hell!
Rebuild New Orleans.
Paul in Plano
a former Westbank-er who relocated several years ago for business reasons
Having family and loads of friends from N.O. it took all my strength to hold back when a kindly old volunteer at the hospital I work for said they needed to shit can New Orleans not soon after Katrina, and well before we had accounted for all our family.
Thats why I think your blog and all the others like it are so important, because aside from you guys and Oprah, education of the problem is starting to dwindle. God bless you guys, keep up the fight and know that not everyone in North Carolina fits into the T2T ratio (thats Tattoos 2 teeth ratio), and that some of us from Charlotte (Im assuming thats where you were going) know the real deal.
AAAHHHHHH!!!! You, my friend, have much more self control than I. Kudos to your unbelievable capacity for absorbing stupidity.
beautiful post Dan. Keep up the fight!
I am a former New Orleans native and am a retired New Orleans Firefighter. I can’t imagine what my brother firefighter’s went through during and after Katrina hit. I myself lost my home in Slidell,La. Those people that talk about New Orleans as though it was a 3rd world country are just ignorant and don’t know a thing about the city.
R. Pons
Friday night Dan Akroyd, of all people, was interviewed at the House of Blues in the French Quarter. Dan got it right about New Orleans and our people: they will come back. New Orleans can’t be lost; it’s heritage, especially the music, must be remembered.
He also got it right about the levees breaking and causing the most damage. Dan also said that the president could sign an executive order to send the FEMA trailers to New Orleans NOW, instead of having to cut through red tape.
I say send this man to address Congress and open their eyes!
Rebuild New Orleans!
I’m laughing and crying as I read this. Thanks for documenting this.
I’ve travelled and encountered folks who I know were thinking the same thing but were afraid to say it to me. This sounds like a healthy conversation, inasmuch as I like it when assholes reveal themselves for who they are.
You wrote your blog entry with humor, but there is some sad and hurtful truth in the way you present it. So many people are turning their backs on Louisiana and Mississippi as though those states and people don’t count. At first I thought it was just the government being cold and unfeeling. As time has gone by, I realize that the government’s lack of action is a reflection of far too many in the public.
The public’s perception of the south is mass media led.
Look at what the media wants you to see as compared to the truth.
Negativity sells!
Perception comes from peoples willingness to follow without asking questions.
The biggest newspapers and news shows you can think of are Sensationlist media.
Who do you think owns the media?
Laurie