For the last few months, some friends and I have been tossing back and forth the idea of a new musical genre, to be called “Sheet Rock.” For the most part, this has been idle conversation, popping up whenever we see something related to Sheetrock, which is typically about every 5 minutes. Basically the entire economy of this city is revolving around Sheetrock right now. So whenever we see some guy walking down the street covered in white dust, wearing a bandanna and sporting a utility knife in his back pocket, we usually point it out and say something like “that dude is totally sheet rock.”

The fashion boundaries for this genre were easily established, but pinning down the musical boundaries has proven to be a bit more difficult. There is one school of thought dictating that it should have some Hispanic influence, as many of the sheet rockers in town are Latinos. Another school of thought dictates that it should simply be music that makes the tedious task of floating Sheetrock a little less boring, but this is heavily subjective. We are still trying to figure this out.

But there is one song out there that is SHEET ROCK straight to the very core, it simply can’t even be argued about, it is the definitive landmark sheet rock chart buster everlasting gobstopper of all eternity. The song to which I am referring is a little ditty called “Float On” by a band called The Floaters. I shit you not. You really can’t get much more sheet rock than that. It topped the R&B charts for six weeks back in 1977. By today’s standards it might be labeled a “slow jam,” but it is better than anything R. Kelly has ever done. The extended version, which I am offering for download below, is 11 minutes and 44 seconds of pure sheet rock bliss, the chorus “float, float on / float on, float on” will turn the arduous task of Sheetrock floating into a blissful, magical, euphoric experience. The actual lyrics provide endless entertainment, pure 1970’s smooth and sexy Isaac Hayes style campiness. I could listen to this song all day and all night, and I do.

Perhaps these repeated listenings have warped my brain somewhat, but I do believe that “Float On” is not only the sheet rocker’s anthem, it applies to our city’s existence right now as well. I mean, first off, if they don’t fix those pumping stations and levees soon, we’re all going to be doing some floating in a very real way, and I’m not talking about joint compound this time. So we should all be ready to start singing this song while we’re paddling our inflatable mattresses down Canal Street in a couple months, because it might somehow calm us down. But even more importantly, this song is just a real good ‘chillout’ number– and god knows as summer approaches we just really need to chill the fuck out down here. I’ve heard several witness accounts of fistfights at burger king, gas stations, home depot, etc. just in the past week or so, man, cut that shit out. Float on, you know? Just float, man. Put down the Skil Saw and go sit on the porch and drink a cold beer for a minute. Or 11 minutes and 44 seconds. Relax. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Float on.

Here’s a link to the song. I guess this is probably illegal or something. Come and get me, RIAA.

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1. Whole Foods Leaving Mid-City
2. New New Orleans Theme Song
3. Current State of The City
4. Saving Your City Is Terrorism
5. Who Dat?!