Just trying to make ’em feel at home…

perhaps they're your sentiments, too

It’s that time of year, kids. You know what I mean: the temperature’s dropping, the leaves in other parts of the country are changing colors, and untold numbers of the oh-so-Aryan, socks-and-Birkenstocks set are heading our way, intent on clogging our picturesque strassen and forcing our waiters to ask day after day, “Could you repeat that, mein herr?” On their heels will come an onslaught of distinctly American–though just as impossible to understand–Billy Bobs and Jolenes throwing what they call “tailgate parties,” but which have always looked a little too Tobacco Road to qualify as celebrations in my book. And let’s not forget the hordes of teens and immediately-post-teens slouching toward the Cat’s Meow and Pat O’s and all drinks fruity.

Having endured these folks and their foolish ways–Hello? It’s called a street, people! Do you have those in Ohio yet? If you wanna stroll, try that thing we call the banquette. And that over there is a trash can. I’m almost positive you use ’em back home, or in other places you vacation, so why not give ours a whirl?–for many a year, I’ve begun to feel the need to express my exasperation. So I made a bumper sticker.

I freely admit it’s not terribly original. I’ve seen similar ones quite often, but the stores always seem to be out of stock when I go shopping for ’em, so I made my own.

And in the interest of being ethical (take a picture of that, kid–it’ll last longer), I should point out that I didn’t mark up the price on these or anything. They’re yours at cost. You can thank me later.

2 Comments so far

  1. Fuzzy (unregistered) on October 16th, 2004 @ 5:21 pm

    As a visitor to your fair city, allow me to say, “Whooo! I can drink outside! What’s that over there? Is that guy Cajun? I’m waaaaasted!”

  2. jonno (unregistered) on October 16th, 2004 @ 5:45 pm

    you forgot “I’m too fucked up to go into a bar and use a bathroom – I’ll just piss right here in the street!”

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