Hollywood South

The primary is scheduled for April 22. Orleans Parish will be voting for candidates for mayor. Let’s follow California’s lead and recruit a Hollywood star to run what could truly become Hollywood South. The top candidates? Of course.


Leonardo DiCaprio: Actor & Heart-throb. Pros: This guy has dealt with water before. Plus I hear that he digs the black chicks. That’s one way to repopulate the city. Cons: Is only 14 yrs old in Hollywood years. Campaign theme: I’m King of the World. Possible Campaign Moment: Heart of the Titanic beads could be a big hit at Mardi Gras.

Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal: A sheriff and his deputy? Works for me. Pros: All that Hollywood Oscar love can bring the cash-a-flowin. Cons: Horse poop in the streets. Campaign theme: To thy own self be true. Possible Campaign Moment: Riding “bareback” down Bourbon.

Ludacris: Actor & Rapper. Neal Boortz loves the guy. I love Neal Boortz. Enough said. Pros: Could revive the New Orleans Music Scene overnight. Cons: Weed everywhere- oh wait that’s a pro. Campaign theme: “Chicken -N- Beer”. Possible Campaign Moment: The block party to end all block parties in the Ninth Ward.

Sean Penn: He had his mug all over the TV during the aftermath…where is he now? Get your ass down here and suffer some with the rest of us. Pros: Liquor sales tax skyrockets. Cons: Bar fights…alot more bar fights. Campaign Theme: I overcame Madonna, I can overcome Katrina. Possible Campaign Moment: When the paparazzi walked into Mr. Penn’s fist.

Qualifying is March 1-3.

10 Comments so far

  1. Jette (unregistered) on January 31st, 2006 @ 11:20 pm

    I think George Clooney would be a great choice. My sister in Covington claims she’s going to marry him someday, so this would be a wonderful way for them to get acquainted.

  2. Laurie (unregistered) on February 1st, 2006 @ 1:50 am

    My dog.

    But, she’ll still be weaning her puppies at the time.


  3. Tyler (unregistered) on February 1st, 2006 @ 8:21 am

    I think that would be Bourbon at the corner of St. Anne for the Mississippi buckshot sherrif and his deputy.

  4. hot mama (unregistered) on February 1st, 2006 @ 11:55 am

    Rodney King from WATTS Los Angeles would be perfect for the job. He’s as famous as the get. Unless you’d prefer someone from the cast of OC, they are so California.

  5. Lezzy (unregistered) on February 1st, 2006 @ 12:43 pm

    Michael Moore could do the job with a wig and some earings if he promises to pretend he’s the proud plump heifer of hollywood whose here to bring liberty to the south. He’s already mostly black.

  6. darfnood (unregistered) on February 1st, 2006 @ 3:54 pm

    Please people, everyone knows Bill and Hillary are the most ethnic Hollywood insiders in the country. Why Bill is practically cajun since he’s from Arkansas and plays the sax. And now that Hillary isn’t the first lady, she knows exactly what it means to be a slave on a plantation in not only Harlem NY but in Washington DC. I say elect Bill, he’d be perfect for the job.

  7. Laurie (unregistered) on February 7th, 2006 @ 4:51 pm

    Puppies gettin’ borne ‘morrow!!!



  8. Naughty Dog (unregistered) on February 8th, 2006 @ 12:18 am

    Well all female candidates ought hide their tits because you know what a puppy wants ~ and there is nothing worse than innocense mixed with politics. I’m sure Laurie one sad puppy face foresaken by the lack of a nipple could win you an election with a big kiss for the camera!

  9. Laurie (unregistered) on February 11th, 2006 @ 4:33 pm

    I miscounted.

    Today’s marks the 60th day of gestation.

    I have no problem with puppies sucking me teats mate.

    What’s wrong? Milch came out of your male mammaries once.

    It’s physiologically probable, ‘ya know.


  10. Laurie (unregistered) on February 11th, 2006 @ 8:30 pm

    Un l’petit du chien – voila’!!!

    Uno puppito-jour naivette c’est aussi!!




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