Black Men Exposed

Yesterday I was mowing my empty lot in Treme and the neighbor girl across the street was working outside on the landscaping they just put in. There’s this quiet guy, Warren, I think is his name who lives next to them. It’s apparent, when I have talked to Warren, that he’s not playing with a full deck but he’s been nice enough. I glance up while mowing and he’s standing on his porch buck naked with a towel, apparently for the thrill of the poor girl working in the yard. They exchanged some words but I was far back in the lot, the mower was running, I didn’t but glance, because, unlike, men, we women don’t fixate on the naked body. In this case, you know, it’s offensive.

Then today, this Corey comes up to me while I am working in the yard, we chatted a bit, all the while him text messaging someone. He said he was 17yrs old, back in town from Irving and lookin for work. I had to in and get ready for the meeting today so I said my goodbyes and went inside. He knocks, I open the door. “Got a glass of water?” All a ploy to get a foot in the door, this I know from experience. Not gonna happen. I had the cooler sitting by door with some bottles of water, I give him one. Shut the door. He knocks again. Now I know this is getting stupid, and I open the door, thinking maybe he has a gun but I do it anyway. He’s stroking a big hard-on and says, “I wanna fuck.” I don’t fall for the shock tactic he’s trying to put on me because I am just glad it’s not a gun.
I said, “what the hell are you doin? I’m gonna call the cops, get off my porch.” Except I couldn’t call the cops because my cell phone was in my bag, which was still in the car. Can I put that I would not like young men jackin off on my porch in the Unified Plan? Sorry, no photos. Next time though, that might be a tactic to chase him away.

11 Comments so far

  1. Craig (unregistered) on July 30th, 2006 @ 11:59 am

    Maybe you should have just laughed, referred to him as “junior” and shut the door, continuing to cackle loud enough for him to hear it.

  2. Jack Ware (unregistered) on July 30th, 2006 @ 12:34 pm

    I was going to try that same stunt when you came by to see the shanty – good to know it wouldn’t have worked. I didn’t like the idea of spending the rest of my life with that “what if…” hanging over my head.

    Seriously, be careful over there.

  3. dangerblond (unregistered) on July 30th, 2006 @ 12:58 pm

    No kidding Laureen, be careful. I’m going to put my camera by the door right now.

  4. Gentilly Girl (unregistered) on July 30th, 2006 @ 1:28 pm

    Laureen, I would’ve told him that I don’t do miniatures.

    Be careful lady, there are way too many men running around town that think they can do what they want with women. (The Hispanic that tried to drag me down the street still has trouble breathing after my response.)

    If this crap happens again, please let me know. I have contacts and ways of stopping this stuff.

  5. Ray (unregistered) on July 30th, 2006 @ 3:53 pm

    I think jacking off on porches was in one of those green circles on the ULI plan, but we’re in a different era now.

  6. Chris Martel (unregistered) on July 31st, 2006 @ 8:51 am

    funny, when I woke up thursday morning, the first thing I saw was a naked black dude showering with a garden hose in a backyard a couple houses away. He’d been squatting in a non-gutted house (!!!) so I don’t blame him for wanting to hose himself down.

  7. Carl (unregistered) on July 31st, 2006 @ 1:34 pm

    I would still file a police report if I were you (that way at the very least it will be on record) and consider obtaining some pepper spray and if the local law will allow, a stun gun (shock stick, cattle prod, whatever). Even a baseball bat propped up behind the door is better than nothing.

    I echo the others…be careful.

  8. nola (unregistered) on July 31st, 2006 @ 7:47 pm

    you should take this seriously. i got a guy who was masturbating at me in the dog park in the quarter arrested a few years ago and it turned out he had quite a slew of prior sex crime arrests.

  9. Laureen (unregistered) on July 31st, 2006 @ 8:36 pm


    My description was pathetically lacking, b/c I wasn’t in that mindset at all at the time. Gold teeth? Shrug. So now I am officially the white lady who calls the cops in my hood. I hated to use it on something that did not involve firearms but y’all made me do it. The police were very nice and understanding.

    Thanks for the serious words of caution, it matters, I’m listening.

    My landlord made me get the Louisville slugger out from under the house, so it’s sitting by the door. So, look, you gotta call me before you come over and knock on my door . . .


  10. Ray (unregistered) on August 1st, 2006 @ 12:03 pm

    “This is my rifle, this is my gun…”

  11. Laurie (unregistered) on August 1st, 2006 @ 1:04 pm

    What was the Louisville Slugger doing

    under the house it shoulda’ been on the wall?


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