O trash can, where is thy stench?

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Here is our brand-freaking-new trash receptacle, delivered this morning by a typically loud and lumbering truck/trailer crew to our home in the Irish Channel. I opened the lid and stuck my head deep inside to inhale, for just once in my life, the all-clean-and-fresh plasticness of it before we employ it as intended. Thank you Richard’s for delivering this thing pretty much as promised and on time. The 96-gallon capacity is larger than the two big trash cans we’d been using, so it oughta handle a three people’s half-week’s worth of garbage pretty easily.

A couple of points, however…

1) The little brochure that comes with the bin (printed in English, Spanish and Vietnamese) includes instructions for wheeling the thing out for pickup. I had to laugh at the line informing is to “not place your cart close to obstructions such as mailboxes, utility poles, fire hydrants or parked cars.” Huh? If you’ve been on ANY street in our part of town, you know parked cars are solid on both sides of the street from Magazine to Tchoupitoulas. Sorry, dudes — do the best you can.

2) There’s also a brochure telling us where to recycle everything from old Mardi Gras beads to appliances to old computers. Not that anyone is actually going to come get these items — but it’s good to know where I can take them if I want.

3) We’re duly informed that if our new trash bin is stolen, it’s on us to replace it. Basically, if your bin winds up missing, you have to file a police report. The trash company then has seven days to look for it and bring it back (they’re each bar-coded) before you’re sent a bill for replacement. So spray-paint your address on it. Use one of those crappy old woodburning pens to carve the address in it. I look for the T-P to soon be running stories about violent arguments erupting over unmarked trash bins. Man Dies In Trash Cart Fracas or something.

4) If you have bulky refuse (large furniture, etc), we’re told to call and schedule a pickup. So whatever your neighbors don’t cart away, you’re supposed to make a call (the number is on the side of the cart). No paint, grass clippings, gasoline, rocks, sand or medical waste (so much for that do-it-yourself finger amputation) in the cart. That’s what the recyclable brochure is for — or grass clippings have to be bagged separately. Nothing is said about dead animals. Open bin at your own risk.

I feel so…..so…..up-to-date.

6 Comments so far

  1. Paulp (unregistered) on February 24th, 2007 @ 9:32 pm

    Does a used snotrag count as medical refuse? Maybe we can get the meter maids to go out and look for stolen cans while they are on break looking for the nearest Popeye’s. The extra walking should knock a few pounds off their giant stretchy pants asses.

  2. govtdrone (unregistered) on February 26th, 2007 @ 9:05 am

    Yeah–I loved the file a police report part. Then what am I supposed to do with my trash for the seven days while I wait for them to look for it? Then I get charged for a new cart. So, I am penalized twice–1. garbage can stolen so trash picked up for 7 days and then 2. get charged for a new one.
    Well, if they continue to come before I leave for work in the morning then maybe I won’t have to worry about it being stolen, but I already have my address painted on it.

  3. govtdrone (unregistered) on February 26th, 2007 @ 12:31 pm

    sorry–trash NOT picked up for seven days.

  4. Heather (unregistered) on February 27th, 2007 @ 10:26 am

    When my boyf lived in Memphis his apartment was robbed. All of his shit was carted out in these super-sized wheeled trashcans.

  5. Kudzukid (unregistered) on February 28th, 2007 @ 4:27 pm

    Hey Craig…regarding no medical waste in the trash can — a big problem in the waste industry is sharps, aka, needles, in the trash. Waste workers can get stuck and infected with who knows what. Also, the sharps get stuck in the truck’s machinery, which can cause a mechanical problem. Putting them in a coffee can then taping the lid on (common practice) doesn’t work – the can opens then lots of sharps come out. It truly is a big issue that the waste industry faces….Liz

  6. Craig (unregistered) on February 28th, 2007 @ 8:04 pm

    Matter of fact, the little information brochure that comes with the trash cart is very, very specific about that. It separately mentions medical waste (which I assume means the extra heart you don’t need, that bothersome third arm, etc.) and needles (insulin, heroin, what have you).

    I’d never throw my needles in the trash can, of course. They need to go where God intended — into the surf at the closest beach.

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