Water World

Yes, I think with the TP’s new coastline graphic we should all begin to come to grips with our future. That graphic is dead on, but doesn’t bring in to play the possibility that a few more mega canes can add to the depletion of the coast at an even faster rate. We need to start looking for a new place to take over as a whole. We can be like the lost tribe of Israel and caravan onward until we find a nice spot in Washington Parish to call home. Okay, everyone write down where you want to go and we’ll put it at a vote. I think it would cost less to move Jackson Square and the Cathedral brick by brick than to wait for the government to rebuild the wetlands. There is a crazy guy in Arizona who rebuilt London Bridge. Las Vegas built a replica of New York and the Eiffel Tower. What’s the difference? We can do the same thing.

I know someone who is buying a home in Metairie. The house is a two story out by West Esplanande. The top floor is fine. The botttom floor has been re rocked and painted but has no kitchen or bathroom yet. Although this person has superior credit and his bank has allowed him a $190,000 line of credit to cover the purchase as well as the reconstruction, he is having problems getting into the house. The problem is insurance. He has talked to every major and minor insurance company in the phone book and noone will insure the house. Thus, it has come to the last resort of Louisiana citizen’s insurance. It is estimated that his construction time will be two and a half months. The only policy he can get to cover renovation time is $4000 to cover a whole year. Even though it will only take a few months, he has to pay for a whole year with no return on his money for finishing early.

Louisiana citizen’s wants $4000 besides the renovator’s insurance for the year which brings his first year homeowners insurance to $8,000. On a monthly note, that comes out to $666.66 a month. Is somebody fucking with us or what? The Great Satan is well at work here. So, this brings us to our next problem. The price and value of real estate here is starting to fall. So investing in a house, which in the past was a lock for a good investment, may be an actual negative investment in the near future. It seems like the middle of the road houses are at the most risk.

If some renovator guy buys a gutted house at $50,000 and renovates it for $50,000 he can sell the house for $150,000 and make $50,000. A young couple who can scrape up the funds to afford a $150,000 starter home may not have the extra funds to cover insurance. Therefore, someone who is selling their house to get funds to move on may not get a buyer because no one can afford the insurance costs added to their mortgage every month. I believe we are getting snafued here. Yes, everyone can bitch about the insurance companies, but would you invest your companies dollars into a region which is doomed? They are trying to make a profit just like every other business owner. Don’t get me wrong, when the CEO’s of Allstate finally pass away, they will be going to a place where they will get periodic sex changes with no anestesia performed by demon midgets with ice picks, but for now, they have all the cards.

So, what do we do? Everyone still yaps about bringing da people back. They ain’t coming back because they can’t financially do it. I can’t do it. I’m slowly paying off my debts to clear up my credit to possibly purchase a house, but what house can I afford? A dilapidated hunk of shit in the Hollygrove? I don’t think so. It would cost over a hundred thousand just to make it livable. 2020 is not that far away. 13 years goes by pretty fast. I’ll be 47. At 47, will I have the will to pack it up and start over? That water line was pretty fucking close if you ask me. So again, I come back to where we are going to go. Any ideas? I’ll call Atlas van lines and make reservations for 250,000 trucks. Let’s go make another part of the state a funky dirty den of crime and debauchery. We will be able to don Scuba gear and show our grandchildren where their parents were conceived. I think the people in Slidell will the clear winners here. The river will let out into Lake Maurepas and Slidell will soon be magnificent beach front property.

Wagon’s Hooooooooo!

Hail MIng!

The End

“At the Beach , At the Beach, at Pontchartrain Beach
You’ll have fun, You’ll have fun
Every day of the week.”

I got dibs on rebuilding the Wacky Shack!

20 Comments so far

  1. termite (unregistered) on March 4th, 2007 @ 8:02 pm

    put me down for The Wild Mouse. =D

  2. Kapaali (unregistered) on March 4th, 2007 @ 8:59 pm

    This is why, heartbreaking as it is to me, I have to leave this place eventually. I’ll hang on as long as I can, but when it comes time to buy a home and settle down somewhere (especially if there are children involved by then) it won’t be here. As much as I love this place (and I do love it, with everything that I am), it’s becoming more and more evident to me that staying here is a bad idea on so many fronts. Even writing that tears me up, but I have to face facts, and the facts don’t look good at all.

  3. Paulp (unregistered) on March 4th, 2007 @ 11:11 pm

    I’m sure you share the same feelings of many people in this city. I have made my peace that when I die, it won’t be here, a city that my ancestors have called home for more than 200 years now. I will be looking within the year, for a new place to set up shop. It may not be that far away, but in a place where I can be assured I won’t be underwater.

  4. termite (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 9:41 am

    maybe when the time is right, you two can move away and be happy. find a city that’s rich with history and soul. maybe one that has incredible architecture and unique and distinctive neighborhoods. Look for a city that has world class food and fun. speaking of fun, don’t forget to add in festivals.. what’s a city without music and food festivals?? and last, find a city that has a wonderful mix of people..because when you strip away all the craziness, the best thing about where we come from is us.

    good luck with that.

  5. Mark Smith (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 11:20 am

    Termite, if I wasn’t happily married I’d tell you I love you.

  6. Chris (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 12:42 pm

    If/when the shit finally hits the fan, I’m expatriating. I think everyone should move to “Old” Orleans, France. That’d be funny. The French would be pissed.

  7. paulp (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 3:04 pm

    Alls I’m sayins is youz can turns a blond eye to whatsis gons to happens heerz, and put yourz trust in fairies andz wishesz, butz soonas den latasz dis towns iz gons to bees unda da watarsz.

    P.S. Thanks for the heads up on the city description. I had no idea there was so much to do here. I can’t afford to live in this friggin town anymore, so I have to go somewhere else.

    It’s not a argument over what New Orleans has and is, it’s about what it will be in twenty years, underwater. Your government does not care about you and they could care less about protecting you with levees.

    That bold sense of protection and “Its never gonna happen” is what got us here in the first place.

  8. Kapaali (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 7:03 pm

    Thanks, Termite. That smug, too-cool-for-school response was exactly what we were all looking for. Don’t think for one second that I’m thinking any other place will be like this; I know it won’t. You don’t have to tell me, and you don’t have to be a BLEEP about it. I KNOW there’s no place else like this place. However, I’m on my own. I’ve got no one to help me, no one else to pay the bills, and no one else to depend on. I have to be fucking honest with myself, man. I can’t take the risk of losing a house to 10 feet of water or 150 mph winds. The food, the festivals, the architecture, the weirdos (ESPECIALLY the weirdos)…all that is wonderful and it’s why I fell in love with this place, but I CAN’T STAY HERE FOREVER. Bully for you if you can, but don’t give me shit for recognizing that it’s not an option for me. Thanks.

  9. jujubee (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 7:03 pm

    Lets go to Natchez! C,mon yall lets move there!

    1.They have old buildings, older than ours!
    2.Extremly affordable housing
    3.Some festivals (we could bring some more)
    4.It’s on the river Dare’s ah Casinah yall!

    Only thing thats missing is us…Its pretty much empty. I’m telling ya, we need to move there.

    I found my house already!

    I can even afford insurance!

  10. Ann (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 7:10 pm

    Sorry, Jujubee, I call dibs! I’ve passed that house to many times to count so I SAW IT FIRST!!!!! ;-P

    Natchez would love to get people. BTW.


  11. Kapaali (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 7:15 pm

    Thanks for helping to illustrate my point, Jujubee. That house would be half a million dollars if it was located in Uptown New Orleans.

  12. Carl (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 8:40 pm

    Thanks Termite, you’re a breath of fresh air!

    (it will be interesting to see if Paul accepts this)

  13. Paulp (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 8:42 pm

    Yeah! Viva LA Revolucion! Although the name calling at Termite was a bit harsh. Even I would not go that far.

  14. Paulp (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 8:55 pm

    Hey come on, I have never edited anything anyone writes on this site. Except for the “C” word used in a previous comment. That is the holiest of unholies. Not necessary in any situation.

  15. termite (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 9:00 pm

    Thanks paul, yeah, i’m not into name calling myself.

    my comment was not ment to be ugly or smug. Kapaali, i understand where you’re coming from all too well.
    i too am on my own, but i am making it the best i can. i’m working in houston at the moment and coming home when i have a free day or two. there are no jobs for me in my field in nola at the moment. so, here i am.. i hate it. but, it’s what i have to do to stay afloat.


  16. kapaali (unregistered) on March 5th, 2007 @ 9:10 pm

    Well, Termite, I guess you’re not so bad after all. It just gets my hackles up when I’m told “there’s no place like this place”, as if I don’t know that, and as if coming to the realization that I can’t stay here wasn’t the most heartbreaking experience I’ve ever been through (and that’s really saying something). Still, this is not the only great city in the world. There are other places with which to fall in love, I’m convinced. I hope to find another one of them soon.
    I still don’t understand why I can’t use the word “c*nt”. I think it’s a perfectly acceptable word and I’m a girl, even.

  17. mindy (unregistered) on March 6th, 2007 @ 7:55 am

    Termite – you sound homesick to me.
    you’re a class act.

  18. Jack Ware (unregistered) on March 6th, 2007 @ 8:52 am

    It’s interesting that everyone approaches this subject with such permanence. I personally know quite a few people that are “gone for now”. At first I thought this was weird but it really does make sense. This place isn’t a good place to be for everyone right now. And it seems to me that if you have other options somewhere else then maybe you should take advantage of that and let the city sort of get back together. You can always come back. The city will still be here. This is especially true if you have kids, or depending on what kind of work you do. It’s also a lot more manageable if you don’t own a house.

  19. Paulp (unregistered) on March 6th, 2007 @ 2:48 pm

    Well, I think what I was kind of getting at originally was the fact that down the road, if things continue as they are, it may be too dangerous to come back in ten years. Not in an infrastructural standpoint, but a geological one. If the levees couldn’t hold with the surge we had then, how will it defend against a surge that has that much less wetland protection? I saw the rehab of the Atchafalaya Basin on the front page today. It took twenty years to make a few sand bars. That ain’t enough to change my mind and move into a house on Bellaire in Lakeview.

  20. Michele (unregistered) on March 7th, 2007 @ 1:51 pm

    I’ve just begun reading the history of how you have all been screwed. (The Great Deluge-D. Brinkley)

    I first visited NOLA in 2000 and have been in love ever since. I am returning for a few days and am trying to prepare for the heartache. Gotta go back though, I can hear the animals aksin for me.

    I feel sorry for all of you, you have held the world in your hands and you see it slipping through your fingers.

    I don’t think there is much hope until The Decider is a distant memory.

    Relocation? How about taking over Cuba?

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