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So hello again oxygen suckers. Ahhhhzzzz been explorin’ again. I saw the whole Anthony Bourdain thing the other night. No, I didn’t see it on the travel channel. I stole that shit baby! That’s right, bit torrent is awesome. That’s my way of putting it to the man. I saved it in my download files right next to my season three of “The Hills”.
I love LC. Have I mentioned that before? Anyway, I’m pretty sure I agree with Richard for the most part. Why does everyone feel the need to show the 9th ward all the time? People will think New Orleans was nothing but a city full of shitty post WWII houses where no one cut the grass. Wake up! That place was a titanic shit hole before Katrina, remember?

“OOOOOOOOH you come from the lower 9? You must have seen some shit!” I know K-ville beat the lower 9 terminology to death. How many of you natives and tweeners and newbies ever set foot in the lower 9 before K-zilla got here? You didn’t go there, I didn’t go there, and neither did the Pooooooolice. Now it’s a haven for no one except dirty hippie mongrels with dreadlocks and bad hygiene. So who gives a fuck at this point? No one is moving back there. It’s still empty and dirty and funky. Nothing will be done about it until Nagin stops handing out “I have a dreamcicles” to all the chilrens of da citay, or we start seeing an outbreak of yellow fever and scurvy wafting out of the Industrial canal.

Now back to the show. Yeah, it was kind of a false representation of the truth. God if I see one more abandoned porch with a black dude playing some kind of instrument I’m going to go straight to Jackson Square and punch a tarot card reader right in the ass. Come on guys! Not all Orleanians can carry a fucking tune with a Jews harp or a garbage can lid. It’s not real. It’s funny how Bourdain showed the fisherman guy and a bunch of empty boats and docks like he was the only guy left on Earth. Go down to Buras and Venice and you will see there are thousands of well maintained ships picking up a shit load of seafood. Trust me those people smell like fisherman. That is proof enough.

The restaurant part was a false read as well. Emeril talked about what was, not what is now. I can see how most people would think every shop in the Quarter is devoid of customers. Okay, I lost my train of thought. Oh! The Chris Rose thing. He looked like two bags of shit on crackers, man. I don’t quite remember what he was talking about because my Katrina blinders went up the minute I saw his nose. I do have to say the poboy shop they were dining in is not that great. Old doesn’t mean good. That was a side note, I think. I only took two years of English in college. I left the place unmentioned not because I wanted to spare them embarrassment, but because I couldn’t spell that fucking name. Please don’t respond with the correct spelling, I could give a shit.

I went to Fort Jackson in Buras. Pretty cool. It’s not open yet, and all attempts at a clandestine entry were halted by that big fuck off moat built around it. I finally saw Ft. St Philip from the other side of the river. It’s nearly under water now. You can’t get to it. My great great grandfather fought there during the Civil War when the Feds came up river. He didn’t die at the battle or anything. I mean I’m here right? It was strange to go to a place where an ancestor was fighting for his life. I was standing where he was. Mortar and cannon shells dropping out of the sky from the Federal Navy ships were slamming into the river banks right next to him. I know I would have shit my pants.

These things keep me from leaving.

I have too much history here. If New Orleans was worth fighting for then, it is worth fighting for now. How many average Joe’s back then strapped on a rifle to defend their home? Not once, but twice, back in the war of 1812 as well. There is an aura in this city that consumes us and makes us defend it. Whether it is the Union Navy or CNN, we quickly snap into action to defend this place. That’s it. I’m turning into Chris Rose again.
I have to go now. Okay Okay. Summary: Chris Rose needs mental help, Emeril needs some sunscreen, The 9th ward sucks and always will, and dead guys at a battlefield. WTF?

I promise I’ll focus next time.

Peace out suckas!

Hail Ming!

i learned from you that i do not crumble
i learned that strength is something you choose
all of the reasons to keep on believin’,
there’s no question, that’s a lesson
i learned from you
– Hannah Montana

6 Comments so far

  1. rickngentilly (unregistered) on February 13th, 2008 @ 11:21 pm

    FUCKING AWESOME. Anybody that can pull off a Hannah Montana quote and not suck rules.

    P.S. Who in the hell Is this Ming you keep hailing?

  2. govtdrone (unregistered) on February 14th, 2008 @ 6:56 am

    Ming is the is the evil villian from Flash Gordon.

  3. baker (unregistered) on February 14th, 2008 @ 9:33 am

    homes, i love your post(s) but the poboy place (domilise’s) that bourdain went to is THAT good. and although, some of the stuff was a bit exaggerated, would you rather them show the neighborhoods that were destroyed and are still abandoned, or just show magazine street new orleans, old metry, and the quarter and pretend like everything’s fine??

  4. termite. (unregistered) on February 14th, 2008 @ 9:54 am

    crowded Domilise’s on a Saturday afternoon with a fried swimp poboy and cold Abita…

    nothing finer. :)

  5. Lord David (unregistered) on February 14th, 2008 @ 10:19 am

    While I found your post an enjoyable read, and I DO share your sentiments about dragging this ‘Suffering New Orleans’ thing around forever, I think one could keep in mind that this Bourdain show was a NATIONAL BROADCAST. It wasn’t directed soley at your house, or uptown, or New Orleans.
    There are still millions of Americans who think that we got some wet tennis shoes and now we’re hustling money for nothing. I think they needed that.
    The rebuilding of the lower 9th might not appeal to you, but it’s better than leaving an open guttered wasteland of wrecked houses. I mean that’s not just stupid, it’s ugly. Something good could happen there, no doubt. My friends at are moving families back into their homes as I write this.
    As far as your comments re: that area being a shithole even before the storm, it’s proof that you never went there. I had many friends there, just across the bridge from the Marigny & Bywater, who had restored beautiful cottages and historic homes. Some were bankers and business owners. Some were musicians of great talent.
    Try not to get carried away with the power of your keyboard, and realize that somebody like Anthony Bourdain is doing the best he can to help. You might not like it, but then, it’s designed to appeal to a huge audience from many walks of life. Maybe he got some stuff wrong, but look at your comments about the lower 9th, dude.
    Lot’s of people mean well when they don’t have a clue.

    By the way, somebody get Chris Rose a crying rag, please.

  6. paulp (unregistered) on February 14th, 2008 @ 6:59 pm

    I dont like the Po-boy place I mentioned earlier. I think its pretty blah and not that great. The lower 9 was a shithole before Katrina and I did go there on quite a few occasions to deal crack. A few litlle restored cottages dont make a neighborhood. I could give a shit if the President lived there. It was still a shithole. As for rebuilding it? I didnt say leave the shitty houses there to rot. What I meant to say was light them up like fucking Christmas trees so we can have some open land that would allow more parking for the city. Have you seen the traffic lately?

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